Welcome to Love

Just bringin' a few spare gods for the road!

2012-01-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

"When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father's household gods." Gen 31:19

I learned the Apostle's Creed in a confirmation class when I was 7:

"I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth,
And in Jesus Christ His only Son, our Lord..."

I am a Christian; I worship the One True God.

But I am also pagan because, like Rachel, when my Lord called me away from my old house, I went back and stole the household gods.

See, I have no doubt that Rachel believed in Jacob's God. I think she did, or at least was on her way there. I think she was just hedging her bets, or maybe she was just a greedy little thief, either way, she wasn't devoted to Jacob's God, she still had enough love for her old life that she brought part of it with her.

It's so easy to do isn't it? Because it's not like you're deny God altogether, you're just packing something extra "just in case." Maybe its not a little golden goat-man or a buddha, maybe its that "Plan B" you keep on a back burner in case God doesn't actually keep his promises. Maybe it's skipping that sponsorship payment this month because you want that extra cushion that makes you feel a little less desperate. Or maybe it's choosing to take your ~~hour~~ ~~half-hour~~ 24-minute quiet time to finish up a project when you have a deadline looming.

I know I do all of those.

More frequently, however, I worship at the altar of self-improvement, praying to the twin gods of Knowledge and Skill.

They are particularly nasty gods because they're disguised as "preparation." They sidle up to me and ask, "How are you ever going to serve God like that? You're in no condition to do the work He has for you, now you're just being irresponsible. Here, I found these seven articles for you to read. You can take this e-course tonight and there's a webinar next week."

This is not to say that you don't hone the tools god has given you. But you don't show up to your first day of work in God's office with gods in your backpack.

"What these? Oh, no worries! They just help me learn to do your work better."

"Yeah, thanks," God says, "but we do all of our training in-house."

Have a great week

2012-01-29T22:40:00.000-08:00

I think I've discovered a magical God-portal inside my car. I'm not sure if the designers at Nissan have some secret Christian agenda or if the previous owner of my car spilled a vial of anointing oil, but I rarely experience God as intimately as I do inside of that car.

At any rate, I was out of town this weekend and had to drive home tonight, I stinking love that. Now, it could have been because I had just listened to a stellar message at church, the fact that I spent the weekend chewing on some personal issues, or I happened to have a great worship mix (maybe a combination of all three), but I had an amazing two-hour drive home.

Like crying-on-the-freeway awesome.

It was a great end to a challenging week and an awesome way to begin the next; I hope you have experienced the same. If not, give this song a listen and see if anything changes.

"He is love and we are free, He is love and we have found our peace.Our King has come."

Life or Death?

2012-01-27T16:15:00.000-08:00

"Love has no middle term; either it destroys, or it saves." Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue," Proverbs 18:21

Closing thought for the week, friends: Do your words bring life or death?

From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. James 3:10

New Blog: Haiti Hope

2012-01-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

An honest and critical look at Welcome to Love reveals that things are getting a little confusing around here. When you walk into a particular business or event, you have expectations about what you experience is going to be. You don't go to a book club to learn about a "business opportunity" and you don't walk into a coffee shop expecting to get fast food (well, unless it's a Starbucks, but I digress).

But that's been happening around here, a Haiti post here, a Compassion post there, a book review & music review may even make it through the filter. This is confusing.

My apologies.

So, as part of some exciting new things taking place over the next few months, I am migrating all of my postings about Haiti to a new blog: Haiti Hope.

Welcome to Love is going back to its roots, my personal search for a deeper understanding of love, grace, and what it means to be a follower of Christ in the present day. I consider Compassion International a part of "what it means" so Compassion is still going to be a rock star around here. Be watching for some structural/visualchanges as well (more than normal!).

For it's part, Haiti Hope will be primarily dedicated to historical research, current events (political, economical, and social) humanitarian efforts and, most importantly hope for Haiti's future. While I admit that my religious, political and social worldview makes bias inevitable, I am not lobbying for any particular agenda. My goal is simply to gain a better understanding of Haiti and share that with you along with ways that you can get involved.

Come on over and visit!

My family is on tv!

2012-01-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

Last year my nephew, Isaiah, was hospitalized for about 10 weeks as he underwent treatment for a dangerous autoimmune disorder called Atypical Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome. The story of his treatment and recovery truly is a miracle.

Now, a year later, our local news station interviewed my brother and his wife about their experience, the story aired on the news tonight. Pretty exciting stuff for this girl!

I must say that the camera loves my family ;) The story is below.

Pray for Every Nation: Haiti

2012-01-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

I am guest posting about Haiti today at The Feminine Intellect as part of the "Pray for Every Nation" series:

I didn't know anything about Haiti until I decided to go there. It was 2002, I was 17 years old and it was my first mission trip. The only thing I knew wat that Haiti was poor.

It turns out that Haiti is the poorest country in the western Hemisphere.

Read more.

New Things

2012-01-24T04:42:00.000-08:00

I've been hinting at some new things going on in my life these past few days but these "new" things are really just a renaissance, a renewal of the old things.

Recently, I've been growing weary of the new things I've invited into my world: blogs I read, people I follow on Twitter and philosophies I've adopted. What was once a revolutionary idea has turned into an empty ideology. Free and fearless thinkers just sound like sarcastic critics with a megaphones.

What was all of this supposed to be, I wonder? I know this was all going somewhere once, but I can't remember where that was.

See, I can get caught up in waves of revolutionary ideas, swept along by "new winds of doctrine" (Ephesians 4:14). This doctrines are not necessarily new biblical theologies but rather new ways of thinking. New business models, new philosophies and methods, new trends and fads, new perspectives and ideas.

I like new ideas. In fact, I think that's a good thing.

It's a good thing to challenge your assumptions. It's a good thing to stretch your limits. My pastor likes to say that if you're not changing you're not growing. So new things can be good, right?

Sometimes. But almost always, new things are seductive, alluring in their freshness and mystery. Like a bored housewife, we can be dazzled by the novelty of a new "doctrine" that says, "You don't have to be careful about what you say, raw honesty is healthier." Or, "Naivete and innocence is a crutch for the ignorant; a critical heart and a cynical tongue, these are the tools of the wise."

Sometimes a new idea can seem so stupid that it makes perfect sense. But, more often then not, that new idea really is just stupid. Sometimes, believe it or not, the crusty old fossils actually have the right idea.

Paul's letters to Timothy are some of my favorite passages in the bible. Timothy was a young pastor, a kid full of energy and excitement but, like any young minister, he was prone to doubt, fear and confusion. So Paul writes two letters to Timothy encouraging him to remember where he came from, to trust in his calling and stick to the things that he knew:

"Evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived. But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you learned them." 2 Tim 3:13-14

I love these verses because, in part, Paul is talking about himself! He's saying, "Dude, I taught you this stuff, remember that? Don't you trust me? Don't worry about these new ideas cropping up, these new 'gospels' or methods that you hear about at that last leaders' conference. Get back to the basics and stick to what you know.

So let me admit, I've been seduced by new ideas. I've tried on the shoes and danced in them. Some of them are awesome and some have given me blisters. But the real money question here is: What are the things that I have learned and been assured of?

I have learned that God loves humans, radically and scandalously. I've learned that God's love for people is filtered through people like me. And I've been assured that God's first purpose, in every circumstance, is always to redeem.

What have you learned? What have you been assured of?

Have you ever been seduced or confused by new winds of doctrine?

More new things

2012-01-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

Question:

What do beauty, honesty, love, growing, grace and thinking all have in common?

Aristide and the Endless Revolution

2012-01-19T13:36:00.000-08:00

Jean-Bertrand Aristide, president of Haiti, was
oustered from office by a rebel coup-d'etat in 2004

Last week, on the two-year anniversary of the Haiti Earthquake, I mentioned a documentary called Aristide and the Endless Revolution. I finally watched it last night.

The "Aristide" of the film is Jean-Bertrand Aristide, president of Haiti from 1991-1996 and 2001-2004. The majority of his first presidency was spent in exile, being ousted from office by a coup-d'etat a mere six months after his election and returning to to serve from 1994-1996. His second presidency in 2001 ended three years later in yet another coup-d'etat let by a rebel army made up of gangs armed with military weapons. The film explores the events leading up to and after both coup-d'etats.

Whatever the cover may say about Aristide and the Endless Revolution being a "well-balanced" look into the events surround Aristide's two ousters, this film does not paint the US or France in a favorable light. It suggests, among other things, that the gangs that tore violently through northern Haiti in 2004 were Haitians trained in the Dominican army and armed by the US military. Prior to this, in 1994, almost all foreign aid was cut off from the Haitian government which made it nearly impossible to maintain any kind of stable infrastructure and many people, including members of the United States government, claim that it was this instability that made the 2004 coup possible. Additionally, interim leaders during the coup were linked back to the US CIA. Aristide even describes his flight from Port-au-Prince as a "kidnapping," claiming that US and French officials threatened continued violence and the death of Haitian citizens if the president did not leave the country.

Michel "Sweet Micky" Martelly
was elected president of Haiti in April of 2011

This is all disturbing and puzzling to me. Make no mistake, I love this country. I cannot imagine a better, more privileged life than the one I lead here. Still, I am intensely aware that the US's intervention in the political processes of other struggling countries often results in questionable actions. I know that we have made decisions that have damaged other nations in order to protect our own interests; whether or not this is justified is an ethical dilemma that every US citizen must face.

But regardless of whether or not these allegations are true, the reality is that, until Haiti can internally stabilize it's democratic process and eliminate the influence rebels and gangs pose to the government, it will always be subject to the interests of foreign governments. Though it may be recognized as an independent republic, Haiti continues to be seen by the international community as a broken country.

The real issue here is not aid, it is respect, and I don't know what it will take for Haiti to crawl out of the shadow cast by two centuries of tumult.

Trust Curveball Redux

2012-01-16T05:00:00.000-08:00

Exactly one year ago, my nine month old nephew, Isaiah, was at Sacred Heart Children's hospital in Spokane in kidney failure. He was on 24 hour dialysis, and had about seven different tubes leading in and out of his 20 pound body and his best hope was a non-FDA approved test drug that cost $2500 a dose. The 5 weeks in the hospital put him behind developmentally and he had to go to three different types of therapy every week.

Today his AHUS is in complete remission, his bimonthly treatments are FDA approved and also covered by insurance. He's a healthy, happy, walking and talking 21 month old.

Read about Isaiah's initial hospitalization here: Trust: A Curveball

What I didn't listen to: Heavy and Light

2012-01-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

Saturday, the 7th, To Write Love on Her Arms hosted a concert in Orlando, FL called Heavy and Light as part of their Welcome to Midnight campaign.

If you're not familiar with TWLOHA they are something of a grassroots nonprofit organization that exists to offer hope and help to those those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

To be perfectly honest, about 20% of my affinity for this group probably has to do with the fact that they're a young, verbose, artsy crowd with a knack for inspiring videos and modern graphic design (I love that font). But the foundation of this organization is closely tied to idea that you, as a friend, can do something to help those who are hurting. And I freaking love that.

Read the story that started everything here.

They've done a lot of cool things since then, but nothing inspires me like this story. Imagine if you were the one to stay up all night fighting back the lies that tell someone that they're alone, to have the audacity to step into someone's story to tell them that they matter, to wipe away the scars and write love on her arms.

They are not explicitly a Christian organization, although the founders are Christian, but they are certainly doing the work of Christ.

You were created to love and to be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

The best days are ahead of us. to write love on her arms

This video was the intro to what I'm sure was an amazing concert featuring the (amazing) David Bazan of Pedro the Lion and a lot of other really great (if slightly less amazing) musicians.

Haiti: Looking backward

2012-01-12T05:00:00.000-08:00

As I review the two years that have passed since Haiti experience a magnitude-7 earthquake, the millions of dollars in aid that has been delivered and the thousands of hours spent by volunteers and relief-workers, I must admit, I am disheartened. Two years have passed with very few measurable successes. Millions of citizens are still displaced, living in temporary housing that has long since become unsafe. Much of the promised aid has been clogged in the bureaucratic pipelines. A deadly cholera outbreak has taken nearly 7,000 lives and the number of abandoned children is steadily growing.

With two formerly ousted leaders, Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier and Jean-Bertrand Aristide returning to Haiti during the controversial presidency of newly elected Michel "Sweet Mickey" Martelly, along with accusations against UN appointed peacekeeping forces, the political and civil discord is likely to continue for some time.

Haiti is, as they say, a hot mess.

But this year, instead of talking about what is going on in Haiti's present, I thought it appropriate to take a look into Haiti's past. See, we as the "benevolent" saviors of Haiti have no hope of making sense of the situation in Haiti, let alone develop a successful plan for recovery unless we understand the history of this tiny, conflicted country.

In July 2002, I visited Haiti for the first time with a mission team from my church. We sent two more teams during 2003 and were planning more trips when Pastor Joseph, our contact in Haiti, warned us not to come. It wasn't safe, he said. Remembering the Haiti that I had visited two years prior, I recalled that it didn't feel particularly safe then either. I had no idea what had happened to make things suddenly unsafe, something about riots and political unrest.

I was 17 and had trouble understanding my own government.

During my last trip to Haiti, I spoke to a Haitian man about the recent presidential elections and as during that conversation, he brought up Haiti's tumultuous political history. The conversation stuck with me after I returned and I started looking into some of the events of the past 20 years in Haiti. It's a fascinating and disturbing study.

I discovered that, in February of 2004, less than a year after our last mission trip, a rebel army took control of the northern part of Haiti, including Port-au-Prince, resulting in the a violent coup d'etat. Reports surrounding this event are rife with speculation, accusation and conflicting reports and general political unrest. The ousted president, Jean Bertrande Aristide was exiled to South Africa.

Not safe, indeed.

In 2005 Baraka Production released a documentary on the 2004 coup called Aristide and the Endless Revolution. If you're interested in watching the film, it is available for $13 on Aristidethefilm.com (I haven't watched it yet). The trailer is below.

One Word 2011: Review

2012-01-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Last January, as a follow to choosing One Word 2011: Trust, I went through a series of posts about what that meant in the present and what I thought it meant for the future. These posts ruminated through a variety of different subjects (money, culture, insecurity, depression, vision).

It was a haphazard mix of things that God was turning over in my soul, observations about the world, and things that scared the crap out of me. But in every area, God was asking me the same questions: "Do you trust the call I put on your life? Do you trust me to take you somewhere new?"

This culminated in a list of "I am going to," statements. Looking back, I think these are too much like the resolutions that I am trying so hard to avoid, so I'm not going to repeat this practice this year. But, because God deserves mad props for this, here is the best one:

"I am going back to Haiti."

Of all of my "I am going to," statements, this is one that I actually believe was a promise from God. He made me this promise in January. In July, I was invited to visit Haiti with Compassion International...with 3 weeks to raise $1500. By September, God had completely funded my trip and plane tickets with $700 to spare, and, on November 14th, I was in Haiti.

Tomorrow, I am going to share some thoughts about the upcoming year and One Word 2012: Surrender.

Links to last year's posts are below (each post links to the following post).

The Highlights
I'm Not THAT Person
Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
A Culture of Affluence
A Curveball
What's Your Angle? Part One
What's Your Angle? Part Two
Continuing the Journey

What I'm listening to: I won't give up

2012-01-06T18:48:00.000-08:00

Jason Mraz is just all kinds of awesome. He's interesting musically and clever lyrically. In fact, he's so clever with his lyrics that he can get away with quite a bit. I'll let you decide what that means.

I've been waiting since 2009 for Jason Mraz to release a new album. This is only a single but it's promising, the video is pretty clever too.

Buy it on iTunes.

Looking ahead

2012-01-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Forgetting what's behind and straining toward what's ahead: here's something exciting for the new year!

Ah, but what is it?

Second Chances. And Third Ones.

2012-01-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not yet achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead..." Phil 3:1

"I'm not calling for a second chance. I'm screaming at the top of my voice: 'Give me reason, but don't give me choice. Because I'll just make the same mistake,'"
James Blunt, Same Mistake

For some of us, new beginnings are not as magical as they are others. We may hope that a new year, a new job, a new marriage or a new city will mean that life is somehow going to be different. We may dream that someone pressed a cosmic reset button, and all of the failures and disappointments in the past will dissolve making us brand-new and baby-fresh. But tomorrow comes, and I'm still me. I have the same memories, tendencies and weaknesses that I had before I "started again."

I want to blame Jesus for this, for talking about being "born again" with Nicodemus in John 3. I know blaming your savior for the manner of your salvation is a bit like looking a gift horse in the mouth, but there you are.

See, newborn babies don't have bad memories. They don't have past bitterness or disappointments that whisper lies. They don't have a mountain of failures grasping at their heels as they learn to walk. Unlike newborns, we must choose to be reborn. Not only that, we must choose to believe it every day.

"...consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus." Romans 6:11

Christ made you alive. He gave you a new heart and new mind, do you believe it?

"...let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." Romans 12:2

God will continue to transform you each day. Do you believe Him?

Do you believe Him when you realize you made the same resolutions on January 1st 2012 that you did on January 1st 2011? Do you believe Him when you realize you're in the same place that you were last year? Do you believe him when you realize that you made all of the same mistakes...again?

Do you believe Him?

No, my dear brothers and sisters, I haven't achieved perfection yet, but I know perfection exists. I believe God's promises; I believe I am a new creation and God is renewing my mind. So I focus on this one thing only: God has made a call to me through Jesus. He says to me, "Be perfect. Be like Me." So, with all of my might, forgetting the past and looking toward the future, I strain toward that high and impossible prize.

One Word: Out of the same mouth

2012-01-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

In the midst of my search this past month, I stumbled across post on a blog that I half-heartedly follow. It is one of those inspirational blogs full of poetry, confusing symbolism and google-poached photos...

Um...

But I've recently become aware of an underlying current of hostility and bitterness in the tone. I'm not sure if the tone has changed or I've just become more sensitive to it recently, but it's a bizarre juxtaposition to be sure. Why would you preach love and grace one day and judgement and cynicism the next?

Two things came violently to the front of my mind as I read this post.

First, James 3:8-10:

"No man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so."

Immediately after this, I realized that this is me.

Then come the questions: Who are you serving? What are you called to do? Who are you called to love? What is the purpose and product of your words? To whom do they belong?

Surrender.

Surrender your spring to fresh water or yield to salty.

Wisdom: Giving In

2012-01-01T18:17:00.001-08:00

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." James 1:17

Surrender

2011-12-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

What's yours?

One Word 2012

2011-12-30T17:00:00.000-08:00

The last hours of 2011 are whispering by, are you still thinking about your One Word? I suspect I have found mine though it needs a bit more time to cook.

I'll give you a few options:

Humility
Commit
Surrender

These are all, in some way, built off of One Word 2011, Trust, a work that is in no way complete. I've wondered if it is necessary for each Word to build off of the ones before it, if it is a reflection of my AR tendencies or simply a natural product of a progressive life. What do you think? Do your words build on one another?

Each of these words also represent a fairly significant work in me at the present, but I'm not sure if that is something that will carry through for the whole year. Hmm.

What are some of your options?

What I'm listening to: The Rising.

2011-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

This was a delightful surprise on Christmas morning:

Me: "Oh it's Charlie Hall! Cool, how did you know to get me this?"
Mom: "It was on your list."
Me: "Oh, yeah, right..."

I love forgetting that you asked for something, it's like you never even asked.

Charlie Hall is probably better known for his contribution to the Passion Worship Project along with other worship leaders like Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman, David Crowder Band, and a lot of other heavyweights of the worship music scene. Odd thought, that.

Passion was founded in the mid-90s by Louis Giglio as a campus-based conference dedicated to igniting a passion for Christ in students. It's characterized by motivational speakers and really awesome worship. I never went to a Passion conference but, if you attended a youth group between 1998 and 2004 and your worship team featured an electric guitar, you and I both owe a big thank you to Passion for giving you something cool to sing:

I Could Sing of Your Love Forever
The Center (or Centre if you're singing over there with Matt Redman)
Enough
Here I am to Worship
How Great is Our God
Holy is the Lord
Our Love is Loud

You can thank Charlie Hall for awesome songs like:

Give Us Clean Hands
Breathe
Majesty
Marvelous Light
Mystery

You can also thank Charlie along with David Crowder for making 12 inch goatees cool.

For all that cred, I've never really listened to Charlie Hall. I realized a few months back that many of the lyrics that really moved me were actually written by Charlie Hall, so I put The Rising on a wish list months ago and kind of forgot about it until I opened my stocking on Christmas.

So I've been getting to know Charlie Hall, all on his own, this week. You can check out his album on Amazon or iTunes.

At this point, I'm really enjoying the song, Constant:

"Just like the sunshine, you have been our light

Leading us into beautiful places.
We've walked through fire but you made us brighter
Leading us into beautiful places."

I set My Face as Flint

2011-12-28T21:51:00.000-08:00

The Lord God is with me, therefore I have not been disgraced. I shall set my face like a flint and I know that I shall not be put to shame, Isaiah 50:7

One of the greatest challenges to choosing a single word for the year is narrowing it down to a single word. I think of it like a piece of flint that is chipped away until it reaches a razor edge. See, in addition to its firestarting properties, flint can be used as a cutting tool. In fact, this was the tool Joshua used in Joshua 5:3 to circumcise the children of Israel before the entered the Promised Land.

So, why the awkward reference, Sarah?

Biblically speaking, the process of circumcision symbolized a removal of the old dead flesh,

"Circumcise, therefore, the foreskin of your heart, and be stiff-necked no longer," Deuteronomy 10:16

"In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ." Colossians 2:11

This process wasn't possible (or was made painful or dangerous) without a sharp piece of flint. The idea of setting your face like flint implies sharp, unwavering focus. Like a surgeon's scalpel or Joshua's flint knives, One Word is a tool that can be used to excise the old, dead parts of yourself, but it has to have a finely honed edge to be effective.

If you read my last post about One Word, you may be getting a mixed message here. A few weeks ago, I talked about how full-sentence (or longer) vision statements are too specific, and trimming it down to a single word broadens the field for God to work, and now I am talking about how your word has to have a sharp focus.

Nonspecific, yet focused?

Yes.

See, the beauty of choosing a One Word, His Word for you, for the year is that, because you are submitting to God's hand, you open the door to anything He brings. It is like the taproot of a huge tree, the width of the trunk, the spread of the branches, these are not part of your focus. They are His, you only look to the one thing.

A Christmas Shout out to Families

2011-12-23T14:37:00.000-08:00

It's never the good ones that make the news.

When we are kids, holidays are for making memories, but when we grow up, holidays are for celebrating those memories. The trouble is that we don't always have good memories to celebrate. For many people, old hurts are remembered, old feuds revived, and decades of irritation and frustration simmer just beneath the surface, waiting for an offhanded criticism or a snarky comment to break through your tenuous grip on cordiality.

But it seems that functioning families don't get as much press as they ought. The truth is that I not only love my family, I love spending time with them.

That’s not to say we didn’t have challenges growing up. We had too many kids and not enough money, time, space, etc. We never broke the federal poverty level growing up; at one point all five kids shared a room in a single-wide trailer. We didn't go on family vacations to Disneyland or Hawaii; we went on 12-hour road trips to my grandma's house in our red Astro-van.

My parents did not follow the books, they didn't even consider reading the books. Neither of them came from perfect families, and both will be the first to tell you they had no idea what they were doing when they started making babies in 1979. But we survived. More than that, we came out one of the strongest families that I know.

I don’t really know how my parents did that. I actually only know three things that my parents always did right:

They both absolutely and wholeheartedly loved Jesus
They both absolutely and wholeheartedly loved each other
They both absolutely and wholeheartedly loved us

If that seems too simple, take a minute to consider what it means to love someone wholeheartedly. It’s anything but simple.

We've grown from seven to seventeen and still manage to cram into less than 2,000 square feet every Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and dozens of Sunday afternoons in between. Even after 26 years, I can tell you absolutely that there is still no one else in the world I would rather spend a day with, including Christmas

I don’t say this to flaunt my merry Christmas; understand that, if your family memories are tainted by hurt, abuse, betrayal, divorce, abandonment, or disappointment, I have the utmost compassion for you. I say this to tell you that circumstances don’t have to determine the fate of your Christmas-yet-to-comes. There’s nothing that says you can’t raise a family that enjoys each other. My hope is that, this year, you find a little piece of ground, even just a square foot of real estate, where you can start building something new.

Live58 Challenge

2011-12-14T05:00:00.001-08:00

This video was made about 4 weeks ago, right after I got back from my Haiti trip with Compassion International. Compassion is involved with Live58, a coalition of nonprofit organizations dedicated to ending poverty by practicing a "True Fast." True fasting, as described in Isaiah 58, is characterized by loosing the bonds of wickedness, undoing heavy burdens, letting the oppressed go free, breaking every yoke, sharing your bread with the hungry, bringing the poor cast-out ones into your home and covering the naked.

More than anything it is a call to love and have compassion on one another. This passage, the Live58 ministry, and my trip to Haiti raised some questions about how we respond to pain and poverty.

Bon Fet!

2011-12-13T19:18:00.000-08:00

Today is Dieufanette's Birthday!

O Holy Night

2011-12-13T14:51:00.000-08:00

"I think my search for the perfect O Holy Night just ended..."

Words I never thought I'd say left my lips this weekend

I whispered them to my mother during a benefit concert on last weekend. It was one of those rare moments when you're listening to a live performance and think, "Please, can you repeat the chorus one more time?" or "I hope he tacks on another 12 bars to this solo!"

I know you're just dying to find out which version this was and listen to it yourself. The unfortunate truth is that you can't listen to it, well unless you start coming to my church. It was a guitar/ukulele duet sung in Hawaiian by two men from my church and was absolutely beautiful.

The truth is that the search isn't over, I am beginning to realize that it will never over. I think perhaps I am not searching for the perfect O, Holy Night performance but rather the perfect O, Holy Night moment.

You can watch a (short) video of a different song here to see (p.s. yes I know that's a mandolin, they played that too).

Gift from Haiti

2011-12-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

It's been a little silent around here about my trip to Haiti with Compassion International. Apologies.

I have a plenty of photos and videos and piles of confused, seemingly random notes, but nothing that really captures the trip yet. God is stirring up a bigger vision here than a series of photos and some statements on "how blessed we are in America," or even an appeal to sponsor a child. So, please accept this as a down payment on that vision and know how much I really appreciate you.

Because of everyone's incredible generosity, I'm going to be able to make a $350 donation from all of us to two Child Development Sponsorship Programs! One of these programs is in Verrettes, where this little sweetie is from. She's one of the children who received some of the love that you sent.

That's for you Becca! There's a little girl in Haiti with a picture of you beside her bed, thanks for loving her.

(Don't those eyes melt you just a little?)

I have something really special in mind for all of you to say thanks. Please be patient with me, I'm a little neurotic about having things "just right."

And on Every Street Corner, You Hear...

2011-12-11T22:05:00.000-08:00

I'm blogging today on the 8 Days to a Christ Centered Christmas blog series hosted by The Feminine Intellect

‘Tis the season for Thanksgiving baskets and giving trees, for coat drives and soup kitchens. Despite all of our condemnation of the commercialism of the Christmas season, we can’t deny that this is a giving time of year, and crowded round the doors of our busy centers of commerce is the ringing-reminder that there are still people in need.

But, before you start writing checks, Oh Good Steward, it is important to remember that it is not your money that you are giving (Luke 19:23), which means rolling up your sleeves and do some research.

You can read the rest of the post here.

What I'm listening to

2011-12-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

It's been a few weeks and I'm still loving my Christmas music, go figure!

Today I am recommending Chris Tomlin's Christmas album "Glory in the Highest."

I've talked about Chris Tomlin in the past, but I'm going to gild the lily just bit more. I just love this guy, he just keeps quietly cranking out solid worship songs. I don't think of him so much as a performer, even though I do like his live stuff, he's just a solid songwriter and a gifted worship leader.

He writes worship that is humble, biblical and, most of all, approachable. Sometimes a worship leader writes a huge powerful worship song that will just blow your head off, but it isn't really singable by your average congregation. They get so intimidated that they end up listening to the band play a really worshipful song.

Alternatively, they write a song that is beautifully poetic but can feel awkward or confusing to a lot of worshippers.

Don't get me wrong, I love interesting, surprising, melodic lines, huge dynamics, and a beautiful lyric. This kind of artistry honors God and inspires worship, but I do not like when people feel excluded from congregational worship because they are intimidated by the music. Chris Tomlin manages to write music that is beautiful, thoughtful, worshipful and singable. He's just an anointed worship leader and I love the work he's doing.

So trust Chris Tomlin to take make Christmas music really worshipful. As a bonus, he took a Christmas song I don't really love, Joy to the World, and made it fun to sing (Bebo Norman does this too!).

What are you listening to??

One Word 2012

2011-12-05T05:00:00.001-08:00

Believe it or not, the final grains of the 2011 hourglass are slipping away. As anticipation builds for new beginnings in 2012 and, of course, the end of the world, I am very happy to kick off the search for One Word 2012!

But, what is this thing you speak of, Sarah? One Word is an alternative to the traditional New Year's Resolution. Instead of making a doomed declaration of all the things you're (not) going to do in the upcoming year, you choose a one-word theme for the year.

Feel free to poke around in the One Word posts of yore here.

This idea was inspired by a conversation between Dan Britton, Executive Vice President of Ministry Programs for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and one of his close friends during a car drive (I'm convinced that the atmosphere inside of a car is a powerful and mysterious catalyst for inspiration). I originally read about it on the blog for Compassion International. You can read Dan's full description here, but let me just give you the highlights.

The idea is to spend a good piece of time reflecting about your life and praying for vision about the upcoming year. Then, with more prayer and reflection, you attempt to distill that idea to a single word. Just one word, not a sentence or phrase, and no hyphens allowed. Narrowing down the theme of an entire year to one word can be incredibly difficult and frustrating, I promise you that it is worth the effort.

See, the more words you use to describe your theme, the greater the odds that your vision is too narrow. For example, you could say that, in 2012, God is going to teach you have to have a better work ethic and to give 100% at your job. But that focuses too tightly on a single point of your life, much like a New Year's resolution, putting God on a leash. You see, you think that you just need to learn to work harder while God wants to show you a much bigger truth about joy and contentment.

Obviously, God is not going to be limited by your short leash, but, by being to so specific, you risk blinding yourself to the greater work that He is doing. And, believe me, you won't want to miss it.

For example, in 2011, my word was "trust." I thought that "trust" had to do with taking risks with my career and my future, but God wanted to show me a much richer, more intimate truths about his trustworthiness. I had no idea the things that God was turn over in my life or the promises that He would make to me. But more on that another day!

I love doing this every year and I really hope you'll do it with me!

What I'm listening to/O Holy Night

2011-12-02T07:00:00.001-08:00

Two more to add to the list!

Shawn McDonald

Chris Tomlin

I have to give some serious love to Becca at She Becomes for turning my onto the first one. I don't know what hole in my brain made me overlook Shawn McDonald's version of O Holy Night as it was released at least four years ago, but it would have been really tragic if I never heard it.

This recording has everything that I love about Shawn, that easy, mellow coffee-house sound with plenty of guitar picking and enough effects ad libs to still sound "cool" but not detract from the song. Honestly, this kind of music is not where his voice carries the most impact. O Holy Night belongs on a two story stage with pyrotechnics and Shawn's voice belongs in a smoky basement on a squishy chair with a beanie on its head. His music makes me think while O Holy Night completely empties my head. Still, he makes the song his own. I wouldn't have guessed that anyone could make O Holy Night sound chill and still be powerful, but he nails it. Guy's seriously the coolest Christian musician on the scene, I will go to the wall on that.

Thanks again, Becca!

The second was an accident. I bought Chris Tomlin's Christmas album without knowing O Holy Night was on it, it was a like a surprise truffle center in an already great album. But, had I known it was on there, I still would have had absolute confidence that he'd do it justice, he's just like that.

I'm not sure if this version really qualifies for the race as there is a choir behind him, though it is a simple choir, often in unison. But, as I was listening to it (admittedly a little teary), I realized that the reason I've never found the "perfect" solo performance of this song just may be that this song requires a crowd. It's not only that the power needed to build up to that last "O night divine," often exceeds a single voice (Celine Dion excepted), but it just is fitting somehow.

However, Chris deserves solid praise for knocking it out of the park. He doesn't screw around with weird grandstanding ad libs, but he still gets into it and doesn't shy away from the high notes. I was pleasantly surprised, props dude!

Anyone else wanna share?

8 Days to a Christ Centered Christmas

2011-12-01T19:00:00.000-08:00

I love it when women are excited about scripture. Sometimes I worry that discussions of theology (or politics and philosophy, for that matter) get carried off with the men to the smoking room after dinner, while the women are busy with immanent things like cleaning up, packing lunches and getting the kids ready for bed. So, when I hear women really digging into the bible or talking about the social ramifications of a point of theology, I get excited.

This is one of the reasons I like The Feminine Intellect, a forum encouraging women to actively engage in discussions on theology, politics, culture, ethics, economics, ministry/missions, the church, and many other areas in order to biblically interpret the world around us.

I enjoy considering these issues, voicing my opinions, even the occasional debate that results. But mostly I enjoy the fellowship I find with other thinking ladies (and gentlemen!).

My friend Kalyn, author of The Feminine Intellect, is hosting a blog series called "8 Days to a Christ Centered Christmas," which begins today. I will be guest posting in a few weeks but in the mean time, check out the series and the rest of the blog!

World AIDS Day

2011-12-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

"Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give." Mt 10:8

My first real introduction to AIDS was the movie The Cure when I was about 10 years old. It is about an 11 year old boy, Dexter, who contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion and his friend and de facto protector, Erik. The two boys are traveling to New Orleans to find a doctor who, supposedly has discovered a cure for AIDS.

I don't remember much about the film to be honest, but there is one scene that I do. Along the way, the two boys are held at knife point by some older boys. Dexter, a skinny little boy who lives up to his name, then grabs a knife from Erik and confronts the older boys.

Erik: What in the hell are you doing? Are you crazy?
Dexter: I'm gonna die anyways, it doesn't matter if he hurts me!
Pony: You two, what are you talking about? What's he talking about?
Erik: He has AIDS!
Dexter: You'd be crazy to stab me. My blood is like poison. One drop could kill you.
Pony: Bullshit.

(Dexter cuts himself with the knife and starts to threaten the boys with his bleeding hand & they run away)

Dexter: My blood is like poison! Like the venom of a cobra!
Erik: Dex! You're like a damn superhero or something! That was rad.

(Dexter looks at his blood and sinks to the ground)

Erik: What's the matter?
Dexter: My blood is poison...

Now I didn't really know much about AIDS when I watched The Cure. At that point I didn't even realize it was a "gay" thing (I owe a huge debt to my parents for that). I don't remember scenes where crowds of boys hurled insults at 11 year old Dexter, calling him a faggot or a homo. I don't remember Erik's mother forbidding him to play with the little AIDS boy.

All I remember is a boy my own age staring at his bleeding hand and seeing poison drip out.

When Jesus commissioned his disciples at the time of his ascension, He was committing His work into their hands. That is the point of the Church, the body of Christ. We continue in Him, by the power of the Holy Spirit doing His work: healing the sick, freeing the captives, sharing God's good news of love and freedom, freely giving that which we have freely received from God.

But with AIDS, we pause.

To most of us, not just Christians, AIDS is not simply another disease, because AIDS carries with it confusing moral questions. See, whenever issues brush up against sexual immorality or homosexuality, our morality alarms start going off and, in all the confusion, people can get hurt. It doesn't matter that there are millions like Dexter who couldn't prevent their sickness, it doesn't matter that there are people who simply didn't know how to prevent their sickness. We're like confused emergency response personnel who can't tell the victims from the perpetrators.

But, let's say we could, let's say we could tell the "innocent" AIDS victims from the "irresponsible" or "immoral," ones, does that even matter?

As far as our response is concerned, no. I don't think it matters why a man is sick, poor or in prison. Because Jesus didn't come to heal the accidentally sick, the unfortunately poor, or the unfairly imprisoned. It was simply His job to heal, relieve and free men; to bring light into dark places regardless of the circumstances.

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of Him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world." John 9:2-5

I don't mean to oversimplify complex issues or to even accept all things, because there are some things that are too harmful to ignore. But Jesus came to "proclaim good news to the poor, proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed," (Luke 4:18). This includes the "irresponsible" or "immoral" ones, we don't get to make that distinction.

To celebrate World Aids Day, let us consider what it means to be a follower of Christ, the Savior of sinful people, that Man of reckless grace. Is it possible for the messengers of the Good News to bring healing, acceptance and love to the victims of an "immoral" disease?

Let's work the works of the One who sent us.

TEDxWomen Livestream

2011-11-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

The TEDxWomen conference will be streaming live at 11am ET/8am PT Thursday, Dec 1st (tomorrow).

TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design), if it is not familiar to you, is a nonprofit organization dedicated to reshaping the world through sharing ideas.

From their website:

We believe passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and ultimately, the world. So we're building here a clearinghouse that offers free knowledge and inspiration from the world's most inspired thinkers, and also a community of curious souls to engage with ideas and each other.

TEDWomen extends this idea by exploring how women and girls are reshaping the world.

Watch live streaming video from tedxwomen at livestream.com

Recordings of many TED talks are available online at the TED website and through iTunes, I energetically encourage you to check a few out. Be careful though, it can be addictive.

Monday Morning Church

2011-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

My church just recently went through The Monday Morning Church by Jerry Cook in our small groups. We were also incredibly fortunate to have Jerry come and spend the weekend with us, you can listen to his messages here. Do it, they're awesome.

Monday Morning Church: Out of the Sanctuary and Into the Streets by Jerry Cook

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is my second book by this author (Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness) and the more time I spend with Jerry, the more I like him. MMC builds on the themes establish in LAF: what it means to be "the Body of Christ," being empowered by God's Spirit, and continuing the ministry of Jesus to the world but this book digs a little deeper into how we, as individuals, are able to do that.

In the introduction, Jerry says,

"The essential gospel centers on the person of Jesus, not the church, not even evangelism. The gospel is Jesus...the person of Jesus can only be clearly communicated through people in whom He dwells."

I love this, I absolutely love it.

If we are to be the "body of Christ," we have to understand who Jesus is, what He did during His life, and what He wants to do through His people. Everything we do individually and corporately should be directly linked back to the person of Jesus.

There are four sections to this book:

Part 1: Where is God on Monday
This section outlines the issues with viewing church as a place or a list of activities and shifts the focus to the church as a body of people. When the church is people, it draws God near to us and makes Him personal, it's like the second incarnation. Jesus made it possible for God to be near, Emmanuel: God with us, and the Holy Spirit makes it possible for us to "be" Jesus. When we tell people that God is near to them and they don't have to come to Him because He is chasing after them, it's important to remember that we're talking about ourselves!

Part 2: Who You Are
Building on Colossians 1:27, the idea that Christ is now in us, we can have the confidence to do the work of God. Even those who have been Christians for most of their lives still struggle with insecurity. Jerry explains that because God Himself rests in us, we don't have to be afraid to do His work, we don't have to struggle with who we are because He has made us into new creations and He is continuing to transform and empower us to do the specific work He has planned.

I love this section because it focuses so heavily on how deeply God loves us and the fact that he has willingly chosen us to be His body. I like that :)

Part 3: What You Have

I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all. Eph 1:16-19

If we accept our new position, literally in Christ, then we must also understand the inheritance He has given us: hope, power, freedom, life. You don't need to be disheartened by the weakness of your dying flesh because of God's promises, but we do need to accept these promises. Walking in self-doubt or self-loathing denies the reliability of His promises and it makes us kind of useless.

In order to be the church, we have to accept the tools that He has given us as well as the incredible potential and purpose we now have. We are God's masterpiece and He has a magnificent destiny for us.

Part 4: How You Live
I love it that only one small section of a book about being the church is focused on the "Christian lifestyle stuff." We tend to focus to much on what a Christian life should (or shouldn't) look like in terms of the things we do rather than who we are. And even this section focuses on how who we are in Christ naturally grows into how we live our lives. The fruit of the spirit doesn't come before the tree and the quality (and quantity) of the tree is dependent on the health of the tree.

While this section is incredibly practical, Jerry also makes sure to emphasize that our lives are a work in progress. The point is relationship and growth, not perfection. When we look at "the Christian lifestyle" and then our own, the huge disparity can be depressing or disheartening, but when we look at our lives moment-by-moment, as a series of opportunities to choose the new over the old and to learn how to use this new spirit in us, the process is not only more manageable but actually exciting. Our failures are not cause for despair but opportunities to learn and grow.

Personally, as a Christian woman who struggles with the subject, I deeply appreciated how Jerry handled the section on submission: sensitive, logical, in line with "the whole of scripture" and very Christlike.

I love reading books by Jerry Cook because he manages to find a perfect balance of practical instruction with inspirational truths.

Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness: Being Christian in a Non-Christian World

View all my reviews

What are you reading these days??

What I'm listening to: For the Honor

2011-11-23T07:19:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving on Thursday and everyone sleeping in on Friday, I bumped up What I'm Listening To. Yay.

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I bent my "no itunes" rule to download Elevation Worship's album For the Honor. I did this for two very good reasons:

1. I suspected it was going to be a great album.
2. They donated all of the profits from the release day to support a Compassion Child Survival Program in Uganda.

That adds up to $25,000 for that project, enough to fund it for a whole year.

Compassion's CSP focuses on children from womb to 3 years old, which is a crucial period for children, especially in developing nations. Visit www.compassion.com/help-babies.htm to learn more and sign up to sponsor a CSP for $20 a month.

And, even though you missed the release day, I still recommend you download the album. Not only because I love what they've done with Compassion, but because I think there's some good stuff here.

If you've never watched or listened to Elevation Worship (or Elevation Church), they're definitely a younger crowd. I find it interesting that, because Elevation Church is so very young, trendy and exuberant it gets some hate for being shallow or "too relevant." I'll save my thoughts on that for another day and share my very early thoughts on the album.

The Deluxe Edition on itunes is $14.99. That comes with 6 videos and a digital booklet that includes the chord charts for the entire album. There's also a message from Stephen Furtick (the pastor of Elevation Church) that tags onto the end of one songs. The story behind how that happened is actually pretty cool, you can hear it in the video below.

On the critical side, For the Honor occasionally has the unpolished vocals that often come with a live worship album, occasionally tone or pitch are sacrificed for the sake of volume or energy. The other common issue with a live album is that some of the tags may feel a little long long if you're not in the mood, but it's great driving music. There's also not a ton of diversity on this album. All the tracks feel pretty similar, not only to each other but to a lot of live-worship albums by other bands. But hey, I dig it.

For your edification, I'm also presently digging All Things New, Our King Has Come and, of course, For the Honor.

I'm a lyrics girl so I could do with a bit more richness lyrically, but there are some pretty things here:

we've seen redemption
at the heartbeat of our church (We Rejoice)

relief swells like air in my lungs
and freedom releases my shame (Give My Life to You)

The whole album is very praisey and celebratory but gives you some meditative moments with For the Honor and All Things New, and I love way the album ends:

He is alive and we are free
He is alive and we have found our peace
Our King has come (Our King has Come)

Beyond lyrics, there is a mountain of energy on this album, which you need on a live worship album. I love it when young people are passionate, empowered and really feel like they have a vision for their ministry. It makes me hopeful about my generation.

So, have you downloaded For the Honor yet? What do you think? If not, what are you listening to these days?

Cats

2011-11-23T05:00:00.001-08:00

I got cats. Two of them.

I got cats because I wanted something living in my house besides the spiders so that, when I hear creepy night sounds, I can convince myself it is the friendly living thing and not the serial killer living in the Harry Potter cupboard under my porch.

I really enjoy living things, but I have trouble keeping them living. I killed a cactus once. Even so, a few years ago I decided that I could handle a dog.

I miss that guy.

...no, I didn't kill him. He just didn't belong with me anymore. Hey, come on, he left me! He left me more than 20 times last year! Finally I got the message: my dog didn't love me anymore, so he went to live with someone else and I listened to Adele.

Listen, I'm not hating on dogs, they're sweet and lovable and loyal to a fault. I understand that our twisted ego prefers the constant adulations of a subservient species to a mutually satisfying cohabitation that you'll find with a cat. But to be honest my sweet chocolate lab turned into a needy and, bless him, slightly dimwitted boyfriend (which is when I began to realize how much dogs have in common with insecure, emotionally abused humans). I discovered that I was not providing the social and emotional support that he needed to keep him from chewing holes in my front door.

So I got cats.

I brushed off the cat-lady references with a smile and acknowledged that, yes, cats are snooty, pretentious, hairballing, shedding inconveniences who will never love you like a dog and I assured everyone that I was never going to become the lonely spinster who makes creepy crafts or thinks her cats are little people.

But dang if I'm not falling in love with these girls. But not this much...

A Letter to Serena Woods

2011-11-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

My friend Rachel introduced me to Serena Woods a while ago. Serena is one of those ladies that instantly catches my heart: the splash-makers, the word-mongers, the misfits, the broken, the grace-lovers, the scripture-queens, and the ones who deeply love Jesus. Visit her blog at graceisforsinners.com, she's a firecracker.

I started writing this in an email but I wanted some more input from you all. Plus it gives me a chance to plug her stuff, because I think it's pretty cool.

Dear Serena,

Forgive me in advance for being wordy, I am not gifted with brevity :)

I have loved my time in the blogging world because it often feels like I am hanging out with a bunch of friends. I enjoy reading your blog because, as my friend Dan Merchant says, "you make me feel less crazy." Your struggles with life, church and culture make me feel like I am not the only one who "doesn't fit." Thank you for that.

If we don't get to be real-life friends, please come find me in heaven. FYI, I'll probably be hanging out with the guys, and I will be talking too much.

I'm writing this to you because I feel like we're good friends already and there is something that has been bothering me ever since we met. Not "bothering" in a "please stop saying 'supposably'" kind of way but something that I think is not quite right. I can say this to you without malice and with humility because the reason I recognize it in your words is I have heard it so often in my own.

I know you've been deeply wounded by the church and by people who are supposed to be God's ambassadors. But there are times when I think that you may be too eager to burn those bridges.

I have no problem with challenging the institution, I enjoy it in fact (too much, maybe). I think we do need to be shaken from our "rigor mortis" at times. But I think just maybe your response to the failures of the church is a little misguided. See, girls like us can get passionate about our causes, especially when people are being hurt. We can get overzealous and end up causing further harm. I know I have.

For example, you said in Grace is For Sinners that you would be happy not going to church. You also said in a recent post that there are times when God calls you out of community to benefit your spiritual growth, that "sometimes God calls you into a wilderness where you feel disconnected from everyone else."

I agree...kind of.

See, you're right that God called Jesus, John the Baptist, and Moses out into the wilderness for a time, but don't forget that He called them back. And where did He send them? Moses didn't go back to preach to the Egyptions, Jesus didn't go to the Parthenon. They went back to God's people.

Because God loves his people. He loves his dirty, messed up, adulterous Bride.

I think if we were sitting down to coffee together you'd be nodding your head right now, am I right?

The reason I'm writing this is to ask you to have a little more grace with the Body of Christ, I don't mean the cultural institution of church, but the fallen, broken, legalistic people in those churches. The people trying to be godly people, trying to do the right thing, who have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Because, as screwed up and hurtful as ~~they~~ we can be, Christ has chosen ~~them~~ us to be His hands and feet in His absence.

One of the major issues addressed in the epistles is divisions in the church.

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Eph 4:11-16

I think the Church does need to be shaken, but I don't think the way to do that is to walk outside and start breaking windows. I think you come inside the church. I think you go to bible studies and potlucks. You plant seeds, you challenge norms. You have those difficult conversations in bible studies; not to create division but to sow truth. You hang out with the people because they matter. They aren't going to hear what you have to say if you have abandoned them.

1 John 5:1 says "Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of Him," (emphasis added).

A man I respect very much, Jerry Cook, made another important observation: Jesus never spoke and made people sick, Jesus never touched someone and killed them. Jesus Christ always brings life and hope.

The Church may frustrate and even enfuriate me at times but I am not allowed to simply jump ship if I don't find the fit comfortable or even nuturing, because the Church is ME. More importantly, loving the church is loving the Father. God wants His kids to love each other, to have grace with each other, because we're sinners too.

I don't believe it is your heart to wound the people of the church as you, yourself, were wounded, but I fear it may creep into your ministry; we are all in danger of this. Please take care that it doesn't, because this message, your message, is too important.

My prayers are over you, your family and your ministry.

Much love to you,

-Sarah Elizabeth

Voulez Vous Chante?

2011-11-17T18:48:00.001-08:00

Mwen kontan fe konoses ou!
That's the Creole that I'm taking away from this trip, it means I am very happy to meet you!

I can't remember how many times I said it this week, but there is one that stands out.

I met Shaika at a Compassion project in Versette, an area hurting more than most in Haiti for jobs. I brought Shaika's child packet with me when we visited her project today. I picked it out for the same reason I picked Fabi 8 years ago: she loves to sing.

If you've had the privilege of listening to a Haitian or African choir, you know that American kids don't sing the way these kids sing. It's an amazing experience. But I wasn't sure if Shaika loved to sing the way I loved to sing when I was seven! Hey, my mother thought it was beautiful.

So when we say down together at the project, my translator asked her, "Voulez vous chante?" - Do you like to sing? She smiled and said, yes, she did, and she would like to sing me a song.

I went to Haiti looking for another child to sponsor and if I had any questions about whether it was going to be Shaika, I forgot them.

God has a way of speaking to us that seems silly, small or surprising at times. I should know by now that it delights God to set His spirit on seemingly unworthy or inappropriate places, like a little shepherd boy who'd rather sing than go to war, a vain weak-willed man with long hair, a persecutor of the church, or a shy little Haitian girl singing on a concrete floor in the middle of one of the poorest countries in the world.

It is so very right, because He used the weak or foolish things to shame the wise. And God used this quiet little girl with the priceless secret smile to bring praise to His name.

Mwen tre kontann fe konoses ou, Shaika.

Two Journeys 4

2011-11-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

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Hey, thanks traveling down this little neurotic road with me! I am hoping that at the very least you've been amused and, just maybe, I've validated your own crazy.

The truth is there are millions of people out there with dietary issues who deal with this kind of stuff every day. Many are actually debilitating. Fortunately, there are also plenty of resources and support available for people like me. But you have to acknowledge that you need help before you can accept it. If we're being honest, I am not ready to accept the way my diet changes my life.

Does anyone else tend to fight with their weaknesses? Do you go at them with a club, just hoping that, given the proper incentive, they will finally buck up and get the job done? Do you push and stretch them like the Mighty Ducks, hoping that they will find some secret inner fire that will spark an inspiring comeback?

It doesn't work for me either, because weaknesses are just weaknesses. They are the thin parts, worn through to nothing. You can't just will them away and you certainly can't beat them away. Holes have to be filled, weaknesses have to be strengthened.

This has been a weird journey so, please, don't miss my point here. If you or I have any area where we are afraid to fail or afraid to ask for help, something is wrong. We are designed to need others, and we are especially designed to need God.

Strengthen the weak hands, And make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are fearful-hearted, "Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, With the recompense of God; He will come and save you." Isa 35:3-4

Thanks again for walking with me down this road, thanks for letting me be weak.

Two Journeys 3

2011-11-16T07:00:00.000-08:00

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Yesterday, I talked about how my frustrations with my new dietary needs had more to do with my fear of being weak or needy than the diet itself. For three years I struggled with trying to avoid the foods that were making me sick while also not inconveniencing others or appearing "whiney." I was so stressed that I would just give up until I felt yucky enough to want to try it again.

But eventually, I started meeting other people who didn’t eat wheat or dairy or whatever. Not because they were granola-hippies, but because it made them sick too. They also didn’t seem to have a problem telling people they had "special" dietary requirements the way that I did.

In fact, one of my good friends found out she was a hard-core Celiac, she couldn’t even touch gluten without reacting to it. We’d go out to dinner she would greet the waiter with “Hi, I’m April! I’m going to need a gluten free menu,”

She’d get on my case about it too.

“Sarah, you need to stop apologizing for not being able to eat certain foods.”

The fact that she didn't feel the need to downplay her illness or ask forgiveness for a condition she couldn't control was amazing to me. She was so brave, like Batman; she was my hero.

But I wasn't that brave yet. Sp when I found out that my coworker went gluten-free a few years back because he almost died from food related complications, it was like finding a little oasis, little piece of evidence that I’m not a complete freak.

That it is okay to have a weird diet.

Friends started voluntarily making special foods just for me. My friend Rachel was the best. I was at a Christmas party and she came up to me and said, “I found a recipe for peanut butter cookies that doesn’t even have flour in it because I know you can’t have gluten.”

I about started crying, I’m not joking.

See, it wasn’t just about being able to eat cookies (though that would have warranted tears as well), it was the fact that she thought I was important enough to make the effort; she went out of her way to make me feel normal. She legitimized my needs by meeting them without me even asking. To me, that was huge.

What can I say? I’m a special kind of crazy.

I’m also a person who fights everyday against feeling needy or asking for help and this was the most incredible gift someone could have given me.

She made it safe for me to be weak.

Two Journeys 2

2011-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

I'm in Haiti! If you think of it, send up a prayer for me and our team. While I'm traveling, I wanted to share another, slightly less exciting, journey with you. I found out I was gluten-intolerant a few years ago and, while this may not seem like a particularly compelling journey, I've learned some interesting things about myself along the way.

---------------------------

Yesterday, I talked about how great it was, when I went to my naturopath and she told me that I wasn't crazy and certain foods were making me sick.

But it was different when I walked out the door. My naturopath gave me a list of foods to avoid that was, I’m not joking, 6 pages long. I never realized how much I took eating for granted until nearly all of my food sources disappeared. Where do I find agar agar or xantham gum in a city of 7,000? Seriously, the nearest Trader Joe’s is 3 hours away. I don't cook and you’re saying I can never eat fast food ever or anything that comes from a box or can at Safeway…oh and none of the produce either because it is all coated with whey (yeah, can't have that either).

It takes about three weeks for an inflammatory substance to work out of your system so, when you radically change your diet like this, it is a while before you feel the difference. The frustrating thing is that, if you have several things triggering a reaction, even if you weed out most of them, if you slip up on one, it knocks you back to the beginning of that three week period. And with six pages of triggers, you have a lot of opportunities to slip up.

It’s a slow climb up a steep learning curve and I’m not one for endurance, I’m a sprinter. To be honest, I'm a quitter.

I also tend to make decisions on the fly, and that does not work when you have to scrutinize your food. You have to start planning for food, you can’t just grab something to eat somewhere along the way or decide what you want when you get to the restaurant. At the very least you have to have an emergency meal bar with you at all times. and this seriously changed the way I lived my life and I didn't like it. Worrying about where or how I was going to find food would me in this horrible state of anxiety and I hated it. Worse, I felt weak. Like I needed the world to stop what it was doing and cater to me because I couldn't handle life like normal people. Then I’d feel weak for not being able to maintain my diet restrictions.

It was worse when others were involved, I felt like the big whiner ruining everyone’s plans. How was I supposed to explain to my friends when we want to go to the Olive Garden that I literally can’t eat anything? That we can’t just swing by Subway “on the way” (Have you ever tried one of those salads? You need to eat like 7 to be full and they charge you more for them! Fail, Subway!). “Sorry guys, you have to change all of your plans because I can’t eat convenience food,” it's loads of fun being that person.

“Thanks for the dinner invitation! Can you make me a gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free meal without raw veggies, citrus fruit, avocado, peanuts, pork, kidney beans, chicken, corn, tomato, carrots--what? No, I’m not allergic to carrots, they’re just nasty.”

“No, sorry, you can’t use anything that comes from a can or box in that meal because it will have gluten, whey, maltodextrin or soy lecithin in it. Welcome to 1920.”

“No, I know its whole wheat. It’s still…wheat.”

“Thanks for making rice instead of pasta, that was sweet, but I can’t have chicken or the awesome homemade tomato sauce you made special for me. Sorry”

“No, no, it’s cool I’ll just have some brown rice and a Larabar. “

Forget that! So I started downplaying my issues, saying things like, “No I’m fine. I mean, I won’t die if I eat it, I’ll just feel better if I don’t.” Say “I’m fine,” enough when you’re not and you’ll really start getting confused. You'll start thinking you really are just overreacting and maybe you do need to just get over it.

I am an incredibly proud and independent person. The fact that I was facing an issue that was too much for me to handle on my own, one that made me feel physically weak, no less, was overwhelming. I really don't know if other people play these kinds of mind games with themselves, but I believe this has a lot more to do with my own issues with being weak and asking for help than with my diet.

To keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, 2 Cor 12:7

Two Journeys 1

2011-11-14T04:00:00.000-08:00

I fly into Haiti this morning! If you think of it, send up a prayer for me and our team. While I'm traveling, I wanted to share another, slightly less exciting, journey with you. I found out I was gluten-intolerant a few years ago and, while this may not seem like a particularly compelling journey. I've learned some interesting (read: neurotic) things about myself along the way. So pull up a toadstool and pop a squat.

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“I love finding another one; it makes me feel like less of a freak.”

I was joking with a coworker about making him cookies as a bribe. He quickly pulled up a recipe for Gluten-Free Peanut Butter, ChocolateChip, Rainbow cookies.

Weird, I thought, I didn’t realize he knew I was gluten-free.

But it wasn’t me, it was for him!! It was like finding a little oasis, little piece of evidence that I’m not a complete freak, that it is okay to have a weird diet.

See, I’m not really “out” at work yet. I don’t like telling people about my “special” dietary needs because, well I feel like a whiney hypochondriac, a granola-eating freak.

(I blame my brothers.)

Okay not really, but I did grow up in a world where "food" issues didn't really exist, peanut allergies notwithstanding. Food intolerances were not common and, to many people, a bit of a myth. So, when I realized in the 9^th grade that putting milk on my cereal in the morning meant I spent first period in the bathroom doing Lamaze-breaths through my stomach cramps, I didn’t really say anything. I just stopped drinking it.

Not too long after that, I realized that fresh fruit, fruit juice, donuts or any other sugary food for breakfast did the same thing. And toast. And bagels.

In fact, I felt nasty all the time. The trouble was that I didn't feel "sick." I couldn’t legitimize my symptoms because they were weird, inconsistent, and not really “bad enough” to go to a doctor though they were bad enough to constantly bother me. I not only was embarrassed by my grossness, but I was embarrassed that I was complaining about it.

It took me about 10 years to decide that how I was feeling really wasn’t normal. Or, if it was normal, it didn’t have to be, that there were people in the world who didn’t feel tired and stomach-gross all the time. I didn’t want to walk into a doctor’s office when I wasn’t “sick,” so I went to a naturopath. I went in secret, because, to be honest, it felt like voodoo medicine, even to me.

The visit was a little embarrassing, I’ll admit, but I absolutely loved my naturopath. I loved her because she didn't question how I was feeling, she didn't argue with my symptoms because there was no "reason" for them. She didn't talk about my body like it was a petri dish but like it was a complex ecosystem that just needed some extra care. Best of all she told me that I didn't have to always feel this way.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel like I was crazy for feeling sick.

To Haiti With Love: Itinerary

2011-11-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

Well friends, I fly into Port au Prince tomorrow!

I met with the rest of the Compassion team tonight (including Bethany, my roommate), it still all seems a little surreal but I'm going to be in Haiti tomorrow, crazy!

I'm not sure what the specific itinerary is but we will be flying in tomorrow morning and flying out Friday, it's kind of a fast and furious trip. That is compounded by the fact that we are meeting with so many people.

If you are the praying type, we could definitely use prayer for safety and health (don't drink the water, don't drink the water...). I don't know if you heard, but they've got a cholera outbreak in Haiti (the first one in 100 years!) and that is one Haiti-immersion experience I would like to skip.

You can also pray for my poor little arms. I am checking two 50 lbs bags and one 25 lb carry-on bag of donations for the projects and people we meet. Thank the Jesus that my insurance covers chiropractic care!

As for me, I will be living out of a backpack for the next 6 days! I normally wouldn't mind but I'm planning on taking a lot of pictures and a few will probably have me in them. The fact that I am forgoing all but he most essential hygiene items raises some concern about the quality of those photos.

Yes, its a ridiculous concern but there you are, I'm a vain little girl at heart.

But above all please pray that the people we meet will be better for our visit. Pray that the people we talk to when we get home will be filled with love and compassion for the people of the tiny, downtrodden, resilient little country.

Pray for Haiti.

What I'm listening to: Arcade Fire

2011-11-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Veteran's Day!

My (first) flight leaves tomorrow at 2:30 PST. I'll be in Ft Lauderdale on Sunday morning and fly into Haiti with the rest of the Compassion International team on Monday!

If I can magically access a wifi signal in country I'll be posting on Twitter and updating the blog with pictures. But I have some posts scheduled in advance about another I am currently on, not as exciting but still challenging!

In honor of my impending trip, I took a break from Christmas music to listen to Arcade Fire's Haiti. I was going to break out some Wyclef Jean, but this is a bit more my style.

Haiti

Haïti, mon pays,

wounded mother I'll never see.

Ma famille set me free.

Throw my ashes into the sea.

Mes cousins jamais nés

hantent les nuits de Duvalier.

Rien n'arrete nos esprits.

Guns can't kill what soldiers can't see.

In the forest we lie hiding,

unmarked graves where flowers grow.

Hear the soldiers angry yelling,

in the river we will go.

Tous les morts-nés forment une armée,

soon we will reclaim the earth.

All the tears and all the bodies

bring about our second birth.

Haïti, never free,

n'ai pas peur de sonner l'alarme.

Tes enfants sont partis,

In those days their blood was still warm

Translation:

Haiti, my country,

Wounded mother I'll never see.

My family set me free.

Throw my ashes into the sea.

My cousins never born

haunt the nights of Duvalier.

Nothing stops our spirits.

Guns can not kill what soldiers can not see.

In the forest we lie hiding,

unmarked graves where flowers grow.

Hear the soldiers angry yelling,

in the river we will go.

All stillborn form an army,

will we soon reclaim the earth.

All the tears and all the bodies

bring about our second birth.

Haiti, never free,

I am not afraid to sound the alarm.

Your children are gone,

In those days their blood was still warm

P.S. Happy birthday to my big brother, Matt!

Go and learn what this means...

2011-11-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

God interrupted my Haiti-saturated world to smack in the face with an idea these last few days.

Go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,' for I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Matthew 9:13

Do you ever chop up a scripture and miss something important? If you just said no, then obviously you're an extra terrestrial or a golden retriever and I'm honored that you're taking time to read my blog between television appearances.

I, however, am a human and I've been guilty of chopping this verse in two right on the "for". (Side note, will somebody PLEASE tell me where the period belongs in that sentence!?)

In so doing, I've beheaded Jesus's statement about the kind of people He calls to repentance: "not the righteous, but sinners." Without its head, this statement seems obvious and easy to dismiss; of course Jesus came to call the sinners to repentence, the righteous have no need to repent.

The sneaky hidden question, then, is "Who are the righteous?"

Be honest, didn't you just place yourself in the good guys camp? Don't be embarassed, most of us do, it's instinct. We are always the good guys; we are always the "us" in the "us versus them."

But riddle this for me: if I'm righteous and Jesus came for the sinners, he didn't come for me, did he? If I'm well and Jesus came for the sick...he didn't come for me, did he?

What?

Let's put the head back on this scripture, "Go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy not sacrifice.'" Jesus is quoting from the prophet, Hosea:

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings, Hosea 6:6

I know the bible is not constructed in chronological order, but I consider the prophets, like Hosea, as a kind of buffer between the Old Testament and the New Testament. It was through the prophets that God really brought home this new way of relating to him, personally and intimately, rather than through priests and sacrifices.

So what does this "new" idea about relationship with God have to do with the fact that Jesus came to call sinners and not the righteous? Well, the people who fulfilled the OT law of sacrifices were the righteous, so to speak. But the reality is that no one really could fulfill the Old Testament law, no one really was righteous under its tenets, they all fell short in some way, but there were some who seemed to.

If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so: circumcised the eight day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. Phil 3:4-6

This is the Apostle Paul talking, in case you were wondering. If anyone was in the righteous camp, it was Him. Let me be clear here, because I think we can miss something important when we read about Paul: he did everything right.

According to his culture, his society, his religion and his family, he was perfect. And God didn't want him.

He didn't want him like that anyway, God doesn't want sacrifices. He doesn't want the law. Because God came to call not the righteous but sinners. God wants sinners...what?

God doesn't want people to sin but he wants sinners? This seems kind of confusing. And it is, it was even to the early church:

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? Romans 6:1

The entire book of Romans addresses this weird paradox that we face. It will take the rest of your life to figure it out but let me just highlight one point here, because I think it is key:

But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, Rom 3:21

See this is what Jesus and Hosea were talking about. Those sacrifices and burn offerings? God doesn't want them because he has taken true "righteousness" and manifested it separately from them.

I love that word, manifest. It means to make visible or able to be sensed (seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted). I like to think it means to "put skin on" something. Not coincidentally, the bible uses this word to describe Jesus:

Without controversy, great is the mystery of Godliness: God was manifested in the flesh, 1 Tim 3:16

So, how was righteousness "manifested" separate from the law?

...the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. Romans 3:22

God doesn't want that righteousness that Paul had, "the righteousness that came through the law," He wants love, not sacrifices. Do you know what happened when God took righteousness away from the law and put it in faith in Jesus?

Sing it with me...

...there is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

This is why Jesus doesn't want "righteous" law-abiding men like Paul! Because He wrote a new law in love. He manifested that new law inside the womb of a virgin and named Him "Jesus. "

He came to call sinners because we're all sinners.

When Paul said, that "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the chief," (1 Timothy 1:15) he wasn't being falsely humble. He wasn't just beating himself up over the whole "stoning Stephen" thing (Acts 8:1). He got it: he was absolutely no different from any other sinner on earth.

This is the truth Jesus was asking his disciples to "go and learn" because if they couldn't understand that concept, that righteousness existed outside of the things that they did, they were going to miss everything Jesus was about.

This is the truth that Paul was trying to explain to the church in Rome.

This is the truth that Martin Luther fought so hard for during the Reformation, it's the foundation of modern Christianity: Sola Fide, by faith alone.

So, why did I just take 3 pages to tell you something that you already know?

Because like the disciples, like the Roman church, like the 16th century church, we still don't get it! We're still counting ourselves with the "good guys." We're still fighting for our righteousness with sacrifices and offerings.

Don't think so? What are the things that make you "feel" Christian?

Going to church

tithing

giving to charity

being sexually pure

...not lying

...not swearing

...not drinking or partying

...not celebrating Halloween

Maybe these are good lifestyle choices, but they are sacrifices and burnt offerings. If this is the basis of your righteousness then Jesus didn't come to earth to call you; you're still hanging out with the Saul version of Paul, a Christian of Christians. You have to understand that when Paul said in Romans 3 that there is now "no difference" between the law-abiding and the rest of us, he means that there is NO DIFFERENCE, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

We have to embrace this idea. God help me, I have to embrace this idea. I have to stop piling up altar-stones to hide my sin. God doesn't want them, He wants my love.

I am a sinner

I am a sinner

And Jesus came for me.

It just keeps coming!

2011-11-05T14:53:00.001-07:00

Becca at She Becomes sent me beauties yesterday. I'm astounded! You can tell she's a teacher :)

Awesome!

Honor+Compassion Initiative

2011-11-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

Normally I don't like doing double posts in one day (as content is thin around here...*sheepish*) but this warranted a "FRICKING AWESOME!!!!" from me on twitter so I am dropping a double-post Friday!!

I'm a big fan of Elevation Church for many reasons, and today I added one more. Elevation Worship is releasing a new worship album on November 22nd called "For the Honor." As part of their ministry with this album, they have partnered with Compassion International and committed to funding a Child Survival Program in the Kamwokya slum outside of Kampala, Uganda for one year.

From their website:

On November 22, we release our new album “For The Honor.” And while we’re excited for you to hear these new songs from our first live record, we also wanted to capture the opportunity to be generous with this release. So, we’re partnering with Compassion’s Child Survival Program to help support the people in Kamwokya, one of the poorest slums in Uganda’s capital city. On the weekend we release “For The Honor” to our church, we’ll be giving away Elevation’s proceeds to the women and children of Kamwokya through Compassion International. In addition, on November 22, when the album releases nationwide, we’re giving away our proceeds from the digital release on iTunes to support them as well.

You can purchase the album on November 22nd on iTunes (sorry Amazon, I'm ditching you for one day only). As a bonus, I think it's going to be a really great album if this is any indication:

What I'm listening to: Christmas

2011-11-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

This has been a Christmassy week, so I thought I'd share a few of my favorite Christmas songs that I've been listening to this week.

In addition to various versions of O Holy Night, I've been listening to a lot of David Crowder*Band's Christmas album, Oh for Joy. I have an interesting relationship with David Crowder I tend to fall madly in love with certain songs and not care for others. That said, I am really enjoying the album so far and have added it to my "recommended listens."

Even if you don't care for a hoe-down-esque dance party (Angels We Have Heard on High) or long vampy sections (Silent Night) you can't deny that DC*B can bring the worship. I mean they have a way of building an average song up to a holy spirit explosion (The First Noel).

While there are a few interesting additions that I haven't decided on yet, like the Hallelujah refrain they added to O Holy Night or the outtro to Silent Night, I absolutely loved The First Noel and even enjoyed Joy to the World, one of my least favorite Christmas songs. I'm a huge TSO fan so the rocking Carol of the Bells/Chrsitmas Eve (Sarajevo) medley kicked me in the pants; it was a nice way to end the album.

Aside from David Crowder*Band, I've been listening to some favorite discoveries from last year: The Hotel Cafe Presents...Winter Songs and Phil Wickham's Songs for Christmas, and one of my all time favorite Christmas albums: A Charlie Brown Christmas.

I just bought A Very She & Him Christmas ($5 on Amazon.com!) and am very excited to crack it open!

Figuratively, it was an mp3 download...

What are you listening to??

P.S. Here's a little present to happy up your day!

It Begins...

2011-11-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

I pulled out my Christmas Playlist on my Amazon Cloud Player today. This bodes well for me as I had kind of a grinchy Christmas last year.

Long story.

So, the fact that I'm getting the Christmas itch already, despite the joke of a summer we had here in Eastern WA, is encouraging.

As I was shuffling through Josh Groban and A Charlie Brown Christmas, David Crowder*Band's version of Oh Holy Night rose to the surface. This recording was recommended to me by my good friend Whitney, who appreciates my neurotic obsession with finding the perfect recording of Oh Holy Night, a topic which I will not get into here (you're welcome). You can read last year's post if you're interested.

I'm not sure why I'm getting the itch so early but I'm going to go with it and start the 2011 hunt and I'm looking for suggestions!

To review:
My stand-by recording for the years has been Celine Dion; she rocks vocally, but, if we're being honest, her style kinda bugs me. The biggest surprise of 2010 was Phil Wickham and I'm going to call David Crowder*Band my first kill of 2011.

I know there are hundreds out there, so hit me up with your favorite recordings of this holiday favorite or record one of your own!!

Here are a few I've already heard

Hit: Mormon Tabernacle Choir*

Near Hits:
Celine Dion
Phil Wickham
Pavarotti
David Phelps

On the Fence
David Crowder*Band
Josh Groban
Carrie Underwood
GLEE
Charlotte Church
Mariah Carey
Mario Lanza
Celtic Women

Misses
Kelly Clarkson :'(
Avril Lavigne
Martina McBride
Clay Aiken
David Archuleta
N Sync
Christina Aguillera
Jessica Simpson
BarlowGirl

*Choral and instrumental recordings don't really count, I'm looking for a solo or small ensemble recording

More stuff!

2011-10-24T15:41:00.001-07:00

Thanks Jill!!

Do you feel it? I feel it!

2011-10-21T14:29:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I asked people in my office to help me "fill my suitcase" with gifts & supplies for the Compassion projects I'm going to be visiting.
They've already filled this box with many more promised.
Feeling the love!!

Oh, the Joys of Traveling...

2011-10-18T12:29:00.001-07:00

I took the day off to get my (FIVE!!) vaccinations that I need for my Haiti trip. I wasn't super excited, obviously, especially when I found out that I left my checkbook at home, 30 minutes away.

Not happy.

Fortunately, I ran into my friend Chelsey at the Health Department, and her baby, Ellie, smiled at me. Babies make everything better.

Then, I found out my friend Shellie was going to be giving me my injections, which made the whole thing more fun, if getting five injections is ever fun...

I have so much more respect for infants now.

(forgive the wonky perspective!)

Haiti Update: Send some love!

2011-10-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

Things are gearing up as November approaches! I have my ticket to Florida (finally) and am making cards like a mad woman. Thank you again for all of the encouragement and support. I am amazed by the number of people who have voiced their support and are praying for me.

Thank you!

If you have no idea what I am talking about, you can read more about my trip to Haiti with Compassion International here.

May I share with you a bit of this trust-building journey I'm on? Back in January, I made a list of "I am going to"s (and pretended that they weren't resolutions). These were not intended to be my promises to myself, the world or to God, but rather a commitment to live confidently, to trust, in the promises that God has given me. One of those was the promise that I was going back to Haiti.

I had no idea how I was going or when but I believed God was going to make it happen. I found out that Compassion was sending their first teams to Haiti (since the quake) in July about 3 weeks before I needed to come up with the $1500 fee. It was like God dropped a crumb in front of me and asked, do you trust me for the rest of the cookie?

With the quaking faith of a shriveled and underdeveloped mustard seed, I watched people pour their love, encouragement, and support over me over the next three weeks. Friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers, harbingers of God's promise.

It's a frightening thing, to do something alone. But may I just say how much more frightening it is to need help doing something? I am terrified that I'll reach out and nothing will be there, so I just make the most of it on my own. But God pushed me to reach out, to put my faith and trust in Him and in others and, yes, I quaked.

So, at the risk of gushing (do you pronounce that guh-sh or goo-sh?) or sounding hyper spiritual, thank you all, even the ones who have prayed and never told me. Even if you have just thought in passing, "Hey, it's nice that that girl is going to Haiti," I appreciate your good juju.

(In love) He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
Eph 1:5-10

Reminder

If you would like to send some love to Haiti with me, I am going to be taking down a suitcase full of cards and letters to share with the kids that I meet.

A few guidelines:

Keep it simple, I'm not sure what kind of translating resources will be available.
Keep it fun: brightly colored paper, stickers, activities (simple, again)
Keep it personal: Include your name (first name only is fine) and a little piece of "you," ex: include a coloring page and another page you've already colored!

[[[[Sorry I'm having trouble uploading the pictures!]]]]

Book Reviews: Brother Lawrence and A.W. Tozer

2011-10-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

Back in July, I betook myself to the woods in pursuit of a Walden Weekend, of sorts.

It was an awesome time alone with God, creepy vault toilet notwithstanding, and during that time I read two books:

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
and
The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer

These were excellent books and they contributed a huge part to the success of that weekend. But I realize now that I never did anything more than mention that I read them. Personally, I hate to read a great book and "lose it" by not having some kind of formal response or review so I am in the process of putting together a review of each of these.

Until then, here are ~~a few~~ some thoughts:

Brother Lawrence, a 17th century monk, receives quite a bit of hype in my circles. I've even heard it said that a Christian needs nothing more than the bible and Brother Lawrence. With that in mind, let me suggest that he was certainly NOT a wise philosopher in the guise of a humble man. He was truly a humble man touched by wisdom.

This may seem like a subtle or even undefinable distinction but, let me assure, there can be no mistake about what Brother Lawrence was. He was not great by any standard we set: humble in life and skill, simple in thought and word. He was meek and, it seems to me, a shy man. A nice guy, sure, but not the monster of a spiritual warrior that I expected.

Now that you hate me, let me redeem myself. I believe this man was a hero of epic proportions by God's standard. His unwavering faith and pure devotion to God are far beyond admirable. They seem to be very close to the perfect example of Christlike love and submission: life lived fully in the presence of God, there can be no great aspiration. Brother Lawrence did not disappoint my expectations, in his unassuming way, he made them into a bit of a joke.

I came expecting ambrosia and got manna instead.

I won't sat much about The Pursuit of God other than it was named perfectly. It is a well written, easy to understand, short, and engaging book that presents the reader with the opportunity to live a life not only in God's presence, as with the Practice of the Presence of God, but in active constant pursuit of Him. This is a big idea with proportionate implications, don't let my lack of description belittle it.

But for now, know that the two taken collectively will shake you down, inspire you, and equip you to start that relationship with God that you really hope exists.

Bon Fêt!

2011-10-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

My little darlin' is turning 11 this year.

Eight years ago I saw her lying on a crowded table at Creation Northwest in a little plastic pouch. "Her favorite activity is singing," it said. I could see her in my head, a gorgeous eyed, dark skinned three year old with crazy braids all over her head, singing as she bounced around her little Haitian hut. I have no idea if Fabiola lived in a hut, but in my head she did. A little one with a mud floor.

I thought, at that time, "This girl is special and she needs me." That might have been true, I think that God did bring me to that table and put this girl in front of me. But I think that He wanted to teach me something new about "benevolence" and "charity" through that little three year old girl. He wanted to teach me about the lies of poverty and why I too hated the poor. He wanted to show me that merely giving wasn't enough, that true Christ-like love is found in respect, hope, and partnership.

She stole my heart with memories of Haiti still fresh in my mind, and I thought, "One day I'm going back there and I'm going to meet this little girl."

Now, eight years later, not only am I going to meet her, but I'm going to celebrate her birthday with her.
Bon Fêt, cheri! Bon Fêt!

Book Review: Open Leadership

2011-10-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Open Leadership: How Social Technology Can Transform the Way You Lead by Charlene Li
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I recently finished reading Open Leadership by Charlene Li. I "stumbled" upon this book on a reading list for the University of Washington's Masters of Communication in Digital Technology program. I didn't know anything about the book, but the subtitle: "How Social Technology can Transform the Way You Lead," intrigued me. I've recently become a junkie for all things social.

Shortly after I started reading Open Leadership, I discovered that Charlene Li is an acknowledged industry leader in social technology, among other things, and is also the founder of the Altimeter Group, an advisory firm that specializes in helping companies utilize so-called "disruptive technologies."

Don't worry, I wasn't sure exactly what a disruptive technology was myself, so I looked it up. I am nothing if not a Google aficionado. Disruptive technologies are, roughly, technologies or innovations that "disrupt" existing practices by creating a new way of doing things or even a new "thing" to do. That is, they create a new market or value network. Social technology can be considered a disruptive technology in that it changes the way that businesses and individuals communicated (to a degree) and creates an entirely new activity altogether, you really can't say that "Facebooking" is comparable to talking on the phone or reading an email; it's something unique and new.

Whenever this kind of innovation comes a long, it can be difficult to embrace this new technology and to make the transition from the "old way" of doing things to the "new way." The Altimeter Group attempts to lubricate that transition.

Why did I just spend three paragraphs talking about disruptive technology? Really? Do I ever need an excuse to talk about something for three paragraphs?

But, in all seriousness, this difficulty was the catalyst for Open Leadership.

The term "open-leadership" itself refers to the style of leadership that values transparency, authenticity, and trust. If you are hearing a lot of "buzzing" from those words, don't adjust your audio; it just means that this is not a new idea. Social technology (via the popularity and ease of information sharing and the incredible connected-ness of the world) has played an important role in creating the market or desire for these "open" attributes.

As I said, social technology changed the business marketing and communication game in many ways. It changed the nature of the business-client relationship and that transition has been rough for many businesses. Open Leadership is a manual on helping your company or agency accept the inevitability of this changed game, take control of your destiny in it, and embrace the possibilities that it offers.

And I am not joking when I say it is a manual. The book is full of lists, tests, diagrams, worksheets, and auditing methods for you to (relatively) scientifically examine the "openness" of your organization. It also outlines the essential elements of an open leadership plan and walks you through the steps to creating and sustaining that plan. It is intensely practical edging on overwhelming at times.

With that in mind, this is not a book that I plan on shelving or giving away. It will stay close by (kind of inevitable as it's on my Kindle and my phone) for continued reference, partially because there are some really great tools inside and partially (mostly) because there are a lot of things that I didn't retain the first time through. Seriously, there are a lot of lists in this book...

View all my reviews

Book Review: The Problem of Pain

2011-10-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

I finished The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis back in May, and this review has been one of those "meaning to" things. C'est la vie! C'est comme ça que je suis!

C.S. Lewis rocks my brain. He thinks and writes in such a linear and logical pattern yet creates this amazingly complest and sophisticated picture with them, much like a straight line curve design like this:

...only much cooler.

I love books that you can stew in, and C.S. Lewis writes stewing-in-books. Now, you can certainly zip through the Chronicles of Narnia and his other works of fiction, but even his novels have depth and complexity in which you can bathe, if you so are inclined. Yes, it's true that the writing style is a becoming more archaic by the day, and his references are not ones that necessarily make sense to your average middle class American girl born in 1985, however "bookish" she may claim to be. Still, I like books that make me sit up straight. That is, between Harry Potter stints.

But, perhaps best of all, C.S. Lewis seems to be a "picker." You know what I'm talking about, one of those people who can't leave things alone. He picks and picks at ideas, especially his own, until he is satisfied that they are structurally sound. As previously mentioned, I'm given to bunny trails, so it especially nice for me that C.S. Lewis provides such a sturdy structure for me to play on.

Shall I demonstrate?

The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The heart, soul, brain, and feet of this book are wrapped up in this premise:

“If God were good, he would wish to make his creatures perfectly happy, and if God were almighty he would be able to do what he wished. But the creatures are not happy. Therefore God lacks either the goodness, or power, or both”.

This equation is the center of The Problem of Pain. Rather than skip ahead to more abstract philosophies about suffering, he asks the question that you, me, and Joe High-School-Education have all asked, and he stays there. Equally commendable, h e doesn't tell the reader why he shouldn't be asking this question. He doesn't say, "God's ways are not our ways" (one of the most frustrating and least comforting a Christian can say to someone experiencing pain). No, like any good Picker, he picks.

As he pokes and prods these issues, Lewis makes a few suggestions and observations that make the "God = good = happy people" equation break down. He does this in 10 chapters:

Introductory
Divine Omnipotence
Divine Goodness
Human Wickedness
The Fall of Man
Human Pain
Human Pain, continued
Hell
Animal Pain
Heaven

Lewis takes 15 page in the "Introductory" chapter to explain that this "Problem" of pain would be no problem at all if God or some divine standard didn't exist. This may not seem all that revolutionary, but it is important to understand the assumptions we make about pain and its existence in the world. As a complex, thinking life form, we have some sense that somehow the bad things ought not happen. Even those who do not believe in any kind of higher power sense that pain and suffering, in at least a few cases, is an injustice. But Lewis will explain in further chapters that pain, especially physical pain, is not inherently a bad thing, it is actually a survival mechanism. Pain, he posits, tells us that something is wrong. If we did not experience pain then we would have no concept that anything was wrong with this world.

The following chapters examine the terms within the "If God were good" equation: 'good', 'almighty' and 'happy,' and then placing them next to examples within the bible along with observable principles and relationships within the world in order to ask the reader what we really understand to be true about these ideas. Often, our assumptions about what is 'good,' etc., is not so simple, especially when we consider that we do not live in a vacuum.

Co-existence of freely-willed people requires pain. You and I exist within the same limited space, it cannot accommodate the absolute fulfillment of all things. That is to say, the resources (food, warmth, shelter, society, success) the guarantee happiness are limited and shared among all creatures. It makes me wonder if it would be possible to creative entirely homeostatic, symbiotic relationship between every organism, bacteria to human. I suppose God could have created a system wherein each organism's existence was independent of any other, but such an idea is bizarre when we look at our world.

God create a world where creatures were designed to have relationship, friend, lover, father, master, owner, mentor or servant. Each of our actions directly affects a host of other creatures, even causing pain. No interdependent world can be pain free, so no free-willed organism within an interdependent system can be utterly satisfied, or 'happy'. The idea negates itself and can't exist.

Now this is just a small sample of the arguments and ideas presented in this book. To be sure, it is not the end of the discussion on pain. But it is an important addition to that argument. More than that, it causes you to think, which is important.

These are not simple issues and they reach deep into the heart of who we are and especially our relationship with a god that is, supposedly, good. For that reason I highly recommend reading C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain.

View all my reviews

Labor Day Weekend: Compassion, Haiti, Coffee

2011-09-26T15:35:00.000-07:00

This is so very overdue, it's embarassing! But I spend Labor Day weekend in Portland doing my favorite things, meeting new people, talking about Compassion & Haiti, and drinking stellar coffee and I really wanted to share it with you.

Saturday: Jill & Coava

After anticipating visiting Coava (koh-vah) for 2 months, I admit I was a little intimidated when I walked in. See, Coava shares a building with a bamboo workshop (the smell of bamboo sawdust and fresh roasted coffee is intoxicating) so they have two counters and some of bamboo furniture on display that made the whole thing feel more like a workshop than a coffee shop.

Source

I wasn't sure exactly what to do, it wasn't a displeasing feel, like I said, it just threw me. And, let's be honest, I'm still new to the world of "third wave" coffee, and always feel a little bit like a putz asking about brew temps, extraction ratios and varietals.

Fortunately, my baristas, Jeremy and Justin, were incredibly kind and willing to hold my hand (figuratively, we had just met, after all) as they each brewed me a lovely cup of coffee, Guatamalen Xeucalvitz (shoo-kahl-veets) and a Honduran bean (the name of which escapes me at this moment) respectively. They were both really interesting (the coffees...though I'm sure the guys were very interesting themselves) but the forgotten Honduran was my favorite. Oh, and I got to see the Kone in action (it's on my Christmas list!).

But the best part was getting to meet Jill (and her two adorable girls!) from Compassion Family in person. We drank coffee for over an hour, talking about family, Compassion, Too Small to Ignore, and the weird places God takes us. It was a huge blessing getting to talk to such a seasoned Compassion vet and getting to meet a "virtual friend" in real life :) And I got a free compassion cause-band, you're all jealous aren't you?

Jill, I forgot to take a picture!! :(

Sunday: Beaverton Foursquare and Java Nation

After a mind-blowing breakfast at Tin Shed with my cousins, I headed off to Beaverton Foursquare Church, or "B4" as it is known by the locals to talk to Mark, their missions pastor, about Haiti.

I loved Mark. His enthusiasm washed over me as we talked for nearly an hour about their vision for Haiti, Mark's job description, their team dynamics and the logistical processes and the challenges they face during their Haiti trips. Mark concluded the conversation by inviting me to join one of their teams, offering to help work out logistical challenges or train people at my church, and actually calling one of their team leaders (who was on vacation) and giving him my name.

I also loved B4 for many reasons but especially because they really, truly love Haiti. There's is the kind of missions ministry that excites me, the kind fueled by partnerships rather than benevolence. They've made a three year commitment to supporting Foursquare Haiti in order to equip them for their own mission. They've erected buildings, provided medical care, taught vocational skills, dug wells, and sent missionaries. I talked to Jim, a retired irrigation engineer, one of those awesome hard-working guys who will never really "retire", who designed an entire plumbing system.

But, even more telling, every person I spoke to gave me an email address or phone number, they've got some good people over there at B4.

After spending far too long at the very disappointing Ava Roasteria, though I should say that the balsamic hummus and pretty patio almost made up for the less than enthusiastic barista and the glut of noisy students (bah humbug!), I remembered Java Nation, a stuffy little coffee shop tucked away in a strip mall off of Highway 217 in Beaverton. So, I whiled away the steamy afternoon drinking coffee from Kenya and learning about density and genetics. This was my second trip to Java Nation and I'll definitely be making a third...and fourth...

Monday: Stumptown and home.

I debated making a stop on Monday morning because I was in a hurry to get home but the siren call of Stumptown made me make the 2 mile detour to Belmont. See, I've never been to a Stumptown coffee shop, I've bought Stumptown beans but I've never drank it from the source. The busy little coffee shop was a bit chaotic, so I wasn't inclined to stay. I decided to go for the medicine-bottle/red stripe cold brew and a bag of Gajah Aceh (remember the Gajah Aceh from Broadway Coffee??) rather than rush my coffee experience. And, to be honest, I always feel a little guilty drinking good coffee from a paper cup.

The cold brew left me, well, cold. Sadly, so did Stumptown. I like my coffee shops really chill; I like my baristas friendly and slow. Maybe it is because I'm such a chaotic go-go-go person, but hectic coffee shops and super efficient baristas are a bit of a turnoff.

I realized too late that the real place I wanted to visit was the Annex next door :( So my first Stumptown coffee shop experience was a bit of a bust, but there will be more in the future and, in the mean time, I'm enjoying my beans!

Last but not least, be it ever so humble, there's no place like...

*sigh* I miss Portland.

Haiti Update!

2011-09-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks so much for supporting and praying for me as I get ready to go to Haiti with Compassion International. It’s such a powerfully humbling feeling when someone believes in the call of God in your life, thank you!

August and September have been filled with alternating waves of excitement and stress as I pull together details for the trip. Occasionally I “forgot” that God has already opened the door for me on this trip and is not going to make me walk through it alone, though it's helpful to remember why I'm going...

(SO EXCITED!)

Nevertheless, I’ve really appreciated your prayers and encouragement.

So, here is the condensed version of the past few months:

Shortly after registering for the trip, I realized that, one, the trip was scheduled after a three day weekend (Veterans’ Day) and, two, there is a Foursquare church in Haiti, that my church supports and, three, that there is a team from my church going to visit Foursquare Haiti early next year (Haiti twice in one year? Yes, please!). I thought that it would be an incredibly opportunity for me to take the extra days to visit the people at the church and lay a foundation for the next trip.

Though this still sounds like a good idea to me, from the beginning, the details have been a nightmare. Haiti has not known for exceptional civil services like public transportation or safety even before the Earthquake. So, even after sending countless emails to Compassion and the coordinator at Foursquare Haiti and even visiting a church that sends teams to Haiti every month, things have still not come together. Worse, it is actually creating more work for the people I am supposed to be serving and I am not comfortable with that.

So, this time around, I’m not going to be visiting the church. I am disappointed but I still feel that this is a better decision, given the circumstances. The good news is that I will be able to really focus on Compassion projects I will be visiting. So, once again, thank you for your prayers, they have come in handy!

I am hoping you might help me once again. Don’t worry, I’m not asking for money! I am hoping that you will be willing to write a letter or card that I could share with a special child that I meet in Haiti. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, just a few short lines of love and encouragement, even a pretty card or a drawing would be a huge blessing to them. If you are able to do this, please contact me!

Also, if you are currently a sponsor or are interested in child sponsorship I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me a comment OR visit the For Sponsors section.

Thanks again!

-Sarah Elizabeth

Real praise for a Sunday!

2011-09-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

Back in January I asked for prayer for my 10 month old nephew, Isaiah, who had just been airlifted to a children's hospital in Spokane after being diagnosed with severe anemia and kidney failure. After a over 5 weeks in and out of the hospital undergoing various treatments and tests, he was diagnosed with a rare auto-immune disorder called Atypical Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome.

This summer I interviewed my sister-in-law about how this experience has impacted her, including her hopes and thoughts about the future.

While he was in the hospital, Isaiah began a series of treatments with a trial drug called Soliris. His improvement was astounding. He was on 24-hour dialysis and was fully sedated when he was admitted into Sacred Heart Children's Hospital and, after only a few treatments his kidneys had regained full function and showed no signs of damage. It's not an exaggeration to say that this drug saved his life.

But the drug was still under trial and not approved by the FDA for Isaiah's disorder. Until it was approved, the drug would not be covered by insurance. Because Isaiah's disorder is genetic, and likely permanent, health coverage is essential.

My brother found out on Friday afternoon that the FDA has approved Soliris for treatment of patients (including infants) with AHUS! I can't tell you how exciting this is for my family and all of the people who have been praying for Isaiah for the past 9 months.

My brother, Riley, wrote this on Friday night and I would like to share it with you. Thank you for your prayers, and please...

"Celebrate with Me"

This is my son, Isaiah. In October of last year, my wife and I noticed dark urine in his diaper. Tests revealed that his kidneys were spilling blood. Our doctor assured us that this is usually due to immature ureter development, a somewhat common disorder that most children grow out of. The bleeding stopped for a few months, but it came back again in February. Our doctor was concerned and took blood and urine samples for more thorough analysis. That night, our son became pale and lethargic, so we took him to urgen care. Quick tests revealed that his red and white blood cell levels were dangerously low. Our doctor rushed in at 4 am and ordered him to be airlifted to a more advanced medical center, Sacred Heart Children's Hospital in Spokane.

After two blood transfusions. Isaiah's counts were still dropping and his kidneys began to fail. He was placed on dialysis and sedated while the doctors studied his symptoms. He showed all the signs of Hemolytic-uremic syndrom (HUS), a disorder usually caused by serious infection (e.g. E. coli). There was no fever and test after test revealed no infection to speak of. Further tests eliminated rarer causes of HUS such as HIV and Lupus (it's never Lupus).

Stories

2011-09-23T11:09:00.000-07:00

There's a "storytelling" trend that I've seen cropping up in various places in my culture. It has crept into my classwork, my blog-world, my church, even my casual conversations. I'm not sure where it began, or if it always has been and I'm only just now seeing it, but I find it interesting for a few reasons.

First, I thought I came up with this idea. No really, I'm just that arrogant. I wrote a series of blog posts back in January about the importance of telling stories both in my life and, really, for all of us. As they often do, this idea got a little too big for me to handle, so I decided it needed to cook a bit longer before I was ready to share it.

In the meantime, I began to realized that this was not a new idea, it was actually a pretty popular one. While a (not-so-small) part of me was a little disappointed that I wasn't as original as I had thought, I am actually really excited that that there are so many people out there dedicated to telling stories.

Mostly.

Let me clarify, it's not just any story that I'm interested in. I'm interested in your story, and that guy over there's story; the "boring" ones...

There are millions of these "normal" and seemingly unoriginal stories whispering in and out of existence every day, unnoticed and, often, untold. But, if you look beyond that "just one of the crowd" disguise that we construct so early,

(and spend the rest of our lives trying to deconstruct)

...then you realize that yours and his are not unoriginal stories at all. They are unique and complex, filled with conflict, love, pain, intrigue, failure, disappointment, triumph, growth and even adventure. It's Raiders of the Lost Ark wrapped in The English Patient.

So I'm happy we're all telling stories, even if I did not come up with the idea.

25 Things

2011-09-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

I just updated my About Me section with the "25 Things" meme and, no, they are not random (pet peeve). It's almost 11 minutes long because I tend to ramble a bit but here you are!

P.S. Hello! This is what I look like in real life.

God, the Bible, and Girls

2011-09-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you to everyone for the affirmation and discussion on Women of Faith, it has been really great to talk with you all about the challenges, quirks, and opportunities found in being a woman of God. That's the kind of thing that I find encouraging and challenging.

On a related note, I'm wrist deep into my study on being a woman of God and am excited to get in up to my elbows (weird images...okay, I'm good). For the first time in about four years I thought to myself: I need to dig out my huge Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. I usually access all of this digitally, but I lose some reverence when my Strong's weighs 4 oz, as if the heft of the book symbolizes the value of the contents.

Speaking of bible studies, this week my ladies started a study of 1st John with Good Morning Girls (a spin-off of Women Living Well). Good Morning Girls excites me because they really emphasize studying the bible thoughtfully. We studied the book of James this winter. If you haven't visited Good Morning Girls or Women Living Well, do that now. There are some really cool ladies hanging out over there who are great at digging into God's word.

In case you're unfamiliar with an inductive bible study, the principles are really pretty basic (though not necessarily easy). There are a few different systems out there, but the goal is to, 1) think as critically as possible, and, 2) discover a practical application of what you've learned. Thinking critically is not as intuitive as you might first imagine and, honestly, it can get kind of tedious after a while, but this has been one of, if not the most valuable skill I've ever learned as a Christian. Seriously, this is the stuff that keeps Christians from getting crazy, it's important.

GMG and my church use the SOAP acronym to study the bible which stands for: Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer. I personally prefer using the OICA acronym: Observe, Interpret, Correlate, and Apply, which is the one I learned in school. I prefer this method for two reasons, first I like that Observation (literal) is separated from Interpretation (subjective). Secondly, I love the idea of correlating your subjective interpretations with other scripture. Like I said this is what protects us from screwy theology that leads to horrible things like genocide and polygamy.

Really, either method is great. Maybe I'll patent the hybrid, SOICAP.

I've really missed this kind of bible study *brushes off self-condemnation*, the kind that feels a little bit like running a 10k. I love it because it is not about checking something off of your list or skimming some kind of spiritual affirmation from the bible. This kind of study requires that you ask yourself again and again, "What does this really say?" and "What does this mean about God and about me?"

Which is the point of all of this, isn't it?

My thoughts these days

2011-09-19T12:14:00.000-07:00

My thoughts are as riotous as always these days, but I've also been thinking quite a bit about a particular topic close to my heart, even closer than Haiti or Compassion. Several things have been cropping up over the past 6 months triggering these thoughts but the most recent was the Women of Faith conference.

I've always had an aversion to women's conferences. It isn't totally rational or fair of me but there you are. I haven't looked forward to what I always judged to be "Hear Us Roar," kind of events. I didn't see the value of celebrating being a women simply by virtue of our double-x chromosomes. I'm a woman, so what? That isn't an accomplishment on my part. It was akin to having "Pretty Women" conferences or a "Natural Blond," conference. What's the point of sitting in a room celebrating how great we all are?

To be fair, such conferences can be a good thing, you can talk about the unique challenges or blessing of being a women, encourage one another, and appeal to the sensitivities, giftings, and interests of women. But I would much rather spend the weekend at a conference that encouraged and challenged me as a human.

Some would argue that this conference does just that and I'm not out to get Women of Faith, especially because I think they do a lot of really great things. I'm glad the conference exists, it just was one more thing that got me thinking about what it actually means to be a woman of God.

And I'm still thinking. I have some ideas but they're not ready to share yet. Instead I'm going to show you the highlight of the weekend, the only person who got 2 standing ovations and an encore. And, in my opinion the best speaker the entire weekend.

Okay a disclaimer, I'm not a Sandi Patty fan. I've never been and I was not excited for this performance initially. Sandi Patty is mom-music and I listen to Feist and Mumford & Sons, way too cool for Sandi Patty. But she was so incredibly real in her message and I am a big fat sucker for 1) a rocking Soprano 2) Orchestral accompaniments, & 3) Sign Language interpreting, so she blasted my shields away and made me stand and clap and cry and generally act like a big ol' girl.

I almost bought the WOF DVD simply to get this performance. But then I remembered YouTube...

What a friend I've found...

2011-09-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

I had a great telephone conversation with a friend a fewnights ago.

It was one of those sweet "swing-set" moments when the two of you are in perfect sync and you are delighted just to find yourself together in the moment.

As we swung together, my friend blessed and encouraged me. We commiserated andlaughed; she shared the things the Lord was doing in her heart, some of herrecent struggles and triumphs, and my love and excitement for her overflowed. She shared with me what my friendship meant to her and I found myself delighting in just knowing her.

I love friends.

As I lay in bed later, I thought back to when we first became friends, over a decade before, and how different the friendship looked back then. There was a time when I idolized her. I was simultaneously awed and intimidated by hertalents, her easy confidence, and how effortlessly she walked the Christianline. In that time, I was not really her friend, I was a fan.

Before you think about how sweet this is, you ought to know that I was an insecure girl, filled with passion andbravado, and I desperately wanted to be admired. Disappointed aspirations and insecurity brought meto a place where I began to resent how easily my friend was all of those things thatI wanted to be. I loved her andshe loved me, but my fears and disappointments became a barrier to real friendship.

But, as Christ grew in me and began to show me how pleased he was in me- imperfect, passionate, inconsistent me, the friendship changed. I began to rejoice in her gifts and talents and to marvel at thegoodness of God that was demonstrated in her life. A deeper blessing was knowingthat God used me to bless her, that my friendship encouraged and built her up.

As I waited for sleep that night, it shot through my drowsy brain how much better it was to be friends than to be a fan.

I thought of this as I recalled story of Peter's first meeting with a resurrected Jesus. The biblesays that Peter was so excited when he saw Jesus on the shore that he leaped out of his fishing boat into the waterand began sloshing through the water to meet him. I imagined him reachingshore, sopping wet, and in his effusive Peter-ish way, throwing himself intothe arms of his savior.

It reminds me of the times I did the same thing to a friend after a too-long separation or a frightening experience. I never did that to a teacher or a preacher; I wouldn’t dothat to musical idol or a favorite author. This is an exchange between friends.

You know the verse I'm thinking about right now, don't you? One you've probably heard as often I as have, one you may have bubbled about our shared with your own friends. But, tell me,

...is Jesus your friend?

Is he the kind of friend you admire at arms length, one who's perfection makes you bewildered, sad, discouraged or resentful? Is he the kind of friend you want to impress or are afraid to disappoint? Is he the kind of friend you suspect is secretly tired of or embarrassed of you?

"Delight yourself in the Lord..." Psalm 37:4

Delight, isn't this the substance of friendship? It isn't admiration or respect, it isn't even love, though these things are important. I can respect a stranger and I can even love an enemy, but friendship is found in some unique mix of trust, communion and genuine delight.

One of my favorite quotes on friendship is found in C.S. Lewis's The Problem of Pain:

"Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling of that something which you were born desiring..."

L.M. Montgomery made the phrase "kindred spirits" famous in her Anne of Green Gables series. The term implies a shared spirit, a unity of mind and heart that is rare and precious.

A meeting of hearts and a unity of mind.

Understanding.

Delight.

I've known Jesus for over twenty years. I've worshipped Him, been afraid him, chased after him, and tried to impress him. But I can tell you that the greatest moments of my life have been when I've simply delighted in him.

I can tell you that, when it comes to Jesus, it's far better to be friends than to be a fan.

To Haiti, With Love

2011-09-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

It's been about a month since I announced that I would be going to Haiti in November with Compassion International. I was working within a tight timeline to come up with the money for the trip but God came through in an amazing way; I am beyond blessed by those who decided to help me out financially. But even more, I have received so much encouragement from friends, acquaintances, mentors, even strangers; thank you.

God has already paved the way for this trip to happen, so I should have no more worries but, alas, control freaks are prone to worry; God continues to peel back my layers.

I would love your prayers as I work through these worries. The greatest of these worries is logistical issues. I may have the opportunity to spend some time with a church in Haiti that we support through my local church before I meet up with the Compassion team. This would be an incredibly blessing for me personally but it would also be a way to build up the relationship between our church and theirs.

It is hard to get around in Haiti as a foreigner. As a young women and a foreigner, especially an American, it's not safe for me to travel alone, so I have to find a way to get from A to B and from B to C, it's a bit of a challenge.

I'm not sure if this is just a bump in the road or if God is closing this door, either way, He's got it.

Thanks!
Sarah Elizabeth

Are you cut out to be a humanitarian?

2011-08-30T09:23:00.000-07:00

362/450, apparently I am 80% cut out to be a humanitarian? I'm not even sure if this is accurate as I may have overestimated my ability to be away from technology and to handle working in a place surrounded by social injustices. Nevertheless, this is one of the first times I've actually felt like I might have an idea what it would be like to work/live in a developing or unstable country for more than a few weeks.
What's your score? Found at insidedisaster.com

The Children's Champion: A Righteous Rage

2011-08-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

This is another post from the read through of Too Small to Ignore by Wess Stafford hosted by Jill Foley from Compassion Family.

I shared a few days ago some of the key messages that moved me about Chapter 8, The Silence of the Lambs, of Wess Stafford’s Too Small to Ignore. I was deeply impressed by the passion inspired by Wess’s personal experiences growing up as a missionary kid on the Ivory Coast. Many of these experiences were deeply tragic and painful, many were joyful and inspiring; but all of them demonstrate the power of personal experience.

I believe God uses our personal story, our experiences, to start a fire in our hearts for the work He has for us. In Wess’s case, this was a passion for being an advocate for children. However, Chapter 12, “The Children’s Champion: A Righteous Rage,” uses the words of Jesus himself to elevate the cause of “the least of these” beyond one man’s personal experience.

"My neighbor is blowing beaver dams."

2011-08-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just jumped into a spy movie...

Happy Birthday, Mom

2011-08-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

It's my Mom's birthday today. To give you an idea how incredible my mother is, I want to share something I wrote for her on Mother's Day. It's a dim reflection of the person she is.

I was better at Mother’s Day when I was seven.

It was easier when I didn’t know about the dishes she would have to clean after I made her breakfast in bed.

It was easier when I didn’t know that the sweater was the wrong size and the earrings weren’t her style.

It was easier when I didn’t realize that the flowers wouldn’t grow in this climate.

It was easier when I didn’t know that she didn’t need a new blender

It was easier when I didn’t realize she used the gift card to buy me a birthday present.

It was easier when all I knew was that she loved me and liked to rub sparkly cards on her face.

It was easier when I didn’t realize everything she had given me.

She gave me her body for nine months.

She gave me her sore back and spreading hips.

She poured her life onto a cluster of cells and made Me.

She gave me my name.

She gave me my smile and my eyes.

She gave me my sense of humor.

She gave me love, grace, and mercy every day of my life.

She gave me a thousand prayers.

She gave me a million tears.

She gave me a perfect body and an innocent mind and then watched as I, by accident and by design, covered it with marks.

She bears each scar on her heart.

I have come to realize that no one will ever understand the self-sacrificing love of Christ the way your mother will.

In wonder and delight she created you. In pain and sorrow she brought you into the world, never knowing if you would love her back. Knowing that one day you would hurt her. One day you would hate her and throw evil, malicious words at her,

…and she chose to create you anyway.

My mother tells me of marveling over the perfection my new-born skin, of mourning over each scar that would one day find its home there.

You see, in love she gave me perfection and then gave me the power to mar it.

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not! -Luke 13:35

It was easier when I was seven, when I didn’t realize how pitiful my sparkly card and pot of violets were in comparison.

Knowing what I know now, what can I possible give her?

How can I honor her fitly with 26 days when she’s given me 26 years?

She doesn’t make it easy for me.

“I don’t want anything,” she insists every birthday and Mother’s Day.

(But she does.)

She wants to erase every bad memory I have.

She wants to take every wound from my body and my heart and bear it upon herself.

She wants her grandson to be well.

She wants to sit on the couch and tell stories.

She wants to buy toys and sneak candy.

She wants her daughters in law to love her.

She wants her babies and grandbabies to serve the lord and to respect their father.

She wants to make her home beautiful and fill it with laughter.

She wants me to find a man who loves me.

She wants to play pretend all day and pinochle all night.

She wants to listen to the babble of a houseful of know-it-alls.

She wants her grandbabies to grow up more slowly than her own babies did.

She wants to be loved

She wants to be remembered

Bless you, Mother.

You deserve to be surprised, delighted, and blessed.

You deserve all the days off that you never took.

You deserve every day of my life.

Everything I am, I owe to you.

You gave me form inside you and never stopped shaping me.

I am your gift, may it be an honor to you.

These words seem so small in comparison, like my messy child’s craft or an ill-fitting sweater, but please accept them with all the joy that my simple gifs once brought you.

Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. --Pro 23:25

The Silence of the Lambs

2011-08-22T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'm participating in a read-through of Too Small to Ignore by Wess Stafford, president of Compassion International, hosted by Jill Foley at Compassion Family. I wanted to share my thoughts on Chapter 9, The Silence of the Lambs.

I admit, the first time I read Too Small to Ignore by Compassion International president Wess Stafford, I thought I knew exactly what to expect: a treatise on the desperation of children in poverty and the importance of having a benevolent heart. Good stuff, sure, but something we’ve all heard before. What I did not expect was a very human and intensely personal story.

What I quickly learned as I read and reread Too Small to Ignore was that, no matter how deeply you care about a particular cause, it will never be as real to you as it is to those who live it. This is the story that is revealed in these pages: personal experiences with poverty, injustice, and suffering that grew into a deep-rooted passion for the forgotten and voiceless, especially children.

Read more.

You can read the rest of the Too Small to Ignore read-through entries here.

Collecting Stories

2011-08-22T16:58:00.001-07:00

Knowledge and Love

2011-08-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

I had a bit of a painful wake-up call recently. I was talking to someone (someone who loves me) and they said in an off-handed kind of way, “I know you hate stupid people.”

Ouch.

Do I really hate stupid people? Perhaps I do, and that’s bad enough itself, but of greater concern to me is the implication behind this sentence: I make people feel stupid.

I don’t want to make people feel stupid, that’s not my heart.

Let me explain. See, I’m a universal sort of geek. It doesn’t really matter what the topic is: coffee or quantum physics; movies or economics, I would love to know everything about it. It has been incredibly difficult to accept that I actually cannot know everything about everything. It sounds like a joke, but it's true. I really would know everything if I could. I am perhaps not as interested in the Korean War or hydraulic engineering as I am in some other things but, if I had the time, I’d learn about them too.

My preoccupation with knowledge has been no end of frustration to me. While I do believe that knowledge is a very good thing, what about those times when my drive to know and learn shakes my faith? What about those times when my pursuit of knowledge knocks people over?

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-2

As I considered the possibility that I “hate stupid people,” I recalled jokes and comments about me: how much I like to talk, how I like to argue, how I like to pick up bits of trivia, and I realized that, when describing me, rather than saying, “Sarah really loves people,” people are more likely to say, “Sarah likes to be right.”

I vividly remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine when he asked me what I wanted my legacy to be, how I wanted to be remembered. I thought about it and I said, “I want people to know that I loved, that I loved them and I loved others.

I can’t tell you how much this saddens me because I really do have a deep love for people in my heart. But the trouble is, if the people in my life do not know how much I love them, if I do not show that in my actions then it really doesn’t mean a whole lot.

“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

"...knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." 1 Corinthians 8:1

“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10:19

I’ve always referred to these verses in a joking kind of way, I even called Proverbs 10:19, my “life verse” for a while. But, in truth, I kind of hate them. God has given me an inquisitive sort of mind and I have no doubt there is a reason for that, but this is all useless, completely pointless if I do not truly, (madly) deeply love people or build them up.

I like knowledge, I like talking; these are the things I’m good at, my gifts. I can't just turn them off. Meekness and humility are as foreign to me as eating grass or flying; it seems that I’d have to be reborn as a cow or a bird to possess them.

But the secret part of my heart longs for these things because I know they are the better part. I know there is no higher calling than to lift other people up. Maybe the reason I know this is I can see how knowledge can be used to hurt and to tear down.

Have you noticed how often God uses the wrong person for the job?

He used a stuttering murderer to save the Jews from Pharaoh and a Pharisee to preach freedom from the law, why not lift up the down-trodden with an insecure, self-centered girl with an addiction to being right? It fits.

As I’m down here in my little puddle of self-disappointment may I ask you, what do you want your legacy to be? Do you feel like you are living it today? What obstacles are in your way?

I’d love to pray for you as you pray for me. Let’s learn to love together, yes?

One bite at a time...

2011-08-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

You know that proverb about the tiny Japanese man who ate 8 feet of sushi (Seriously, who eats an elephant? They're endangered.)?

I have been learning an important and similar lesson these past 8 months: one does not become a movie-making, web-designing, photographing, philanthropic, digital-story-catching sensation overnight.

Or over 250 nights.

The process of learning to see people for their stories and translate those stories into a tasty medium happens one laborious step at a time. One tiny, lady-like bite at a time.

And, if you will indulge me, if one chooses to take an over-large, Guy Fieri sized bite, unpleasant things can and likely will happen. With that in mind, I give you my 48x48 pixel bite...

That stupid little button represents 4 hours of my life. In pain, sweat, and the occasional bout of mild profanity, I brought it into existence. I drew that "f" out of all the love that is in my heart.

And then I looked and said, it is good. Enough. Good enough for a first try.

And for fun...

Niece #2

Build Up

2011-08-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

"If I do not know the meaning of the language, I will be a foreigner to the speaker and the speaker a foreigner to me. So with yourselves, since you are eager for manifestations of the Spirit, strive to excel in building up the church." 1 Corinthians 14: 11-12

Two thoughts:

First: I know this is primarily talking about the value of speaking in tongues versus prophesying, but I think there is a broader principle illustrated here: It is important to God that we have fellowship or "connection with one another and in order to have fellowship you have to be able to understand each other. This can apply literally to language but I think it also applies to those who seem to "speak a different language" (think of the last time someone tried to explain something to you in "techie" or gushed over a particular song or book that you hated).

This is written to the church so does it have any application to how we talk to people who don't consider themselves Christian?

Second: Striving to building up the church is a manifestation of the Spirit! I don't want to be guilty of taking this out of context, the verses before and after this one are talking specifically about prophesy and there is some pretty widespread "dogma" about prophesy. But can we think broadly and conceptually for a minute rather than relying on some inherited understanding of "spiritual gifts"?

I love theology, I promise. But sometimes our theology can get so systematic that it stops making sense. It gets so rigid that it stops being useful for most "real" situations in which we find ourselves. So forget Spiritual Gifts 101 for a moment and think about what it means that God prefers a gift that builds up the whole.

What does this mean about how we view one another?
...how we view particular ministries?
...how we choose to spend our time?
...how we choose to express love?

Haiti: Can't I just rent a car?

2011-08-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I'm having some trouble planning my trip to Haiti this November. Because the good people "in charge" in Haiti are obviously unaware of how important it is to maintain a good working relationship with Google Maps. Or of the value of addresses.

Normally any trip in Sarah's future involved painstaking planning and extensive Googling. I google the best hotels and attractions, gas stations, fees & tolls, addresses of my destinations, the shortest routes to these sites, road construction, advice from locals, common pitfalls, etc. All of this information is saved in a custom map which I can access on my computer or my phone so that I will never, never have to ask for directions. Then, and this is the best part, I use Google Earth or Street View to do a "dry run."

Nerd. High-strung, anal, nerd.

The real reason I do this has to do with how much I hate being dependent on others or feeling insecure in my surroundings. I want to step off the plain, train, automobile looking competent and bored. This is difficult in a foreign country for obviously reasons but the poorest country in the western hemisphere? Streamlining public transportation or any kind of civil services are not prioritized.

As I'm trying to find my destination on a map devoid of addresses and written in french I think, "Why can't I just rent a car, input the address in my GPS and go?" As I remember the crowded, pitted streets and haphazard, yield-the-right-of-way-to-the-vehicle-that-can-do-the-most-damage rules of the road, my frustration deepens.

Tap-taps, the closest things to a taxi in Haiti, are brightly colored trucks full to the rafters with people

Getting around successfully in this country requires either a well-developed sense of adventure and an imposing physical presence (or a blunt instrument if it comes to it) or an in-country friend. I don't have much of an imposing present or, if we're honest here, much of a bring-it-on attitude.

This wouldn't be that big of a deal to anyone except to the stubbornly independent girl. Alas, she will have to ask for help, because I'm not entirely sure I will be able to "blend"...

...especially because all I can say is:
"Mwen pa pale Kreyol!" (I do not speak Creole).

That is if you don't count "Ale!" (Go!) and "Chita!" (Sit down!).

(I worked primarily with kids the last time I spoke Creole)

Look at that 17 year old world traveler!

But the thing is, this is Haiti. It doesn't apologize for being crazy and chaotic or not yielding itself to my control. And don't you love someone more, not when you bend them to your wishes but when you learn to understand and accept each other?

I don't want to control Haiti, I want Haiti to love me.

Jaminsky, He is about 18 years old now.

Still, deep in the back of my mind something resolves that, one day, this is not going to be so overwhelming. Maybe next time...

In the streets, there seemed to be this ongoing turf war between the pedestrians and the vehicles.
I think the pedestrians were winning.

To Write Love on Her Arms: Fears vs Dreams

2011-08-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

To Write Love on Her Arms is one of those organize that never fails to inspire me, today I hope they inspire you too.

I was talking to one of my friends recently about the idea of using videos to share stories. The goal of this being to show both variety and unity in our stories: we're all utterly unique in our stories yet, paradoxically, have a profound unity. I suspect that divisions and misunderstandings are at the heart of hate, pain, fear, apathy, malice, envy, etc. and that these feelings unravel when you understand someone; it's easier to hate a stranger than a friend.

Beyond just being a nice idea, I think there is something vital buried in this knowledge, not just an acknowledgement but a real experiential knowledge. The rare kind that comes after you've taken off your protective gloves, after you take the time to really understand someone, after you've earned their trust enough for them to reveal the deepest parts of their spirit. This is so much more than tolerance, it's not about festivals and parades. It's a person in your life who deserves your love and understanding.

Even as I shared this with my friend, I had trouble explaining it, I still do, and it sank to the back of my mind amid other projects until I saw this video by TWLOHA as part of their Fear vs Dreams campaign. And it all clicked: "Oh, that's what I was trying to say."

He himself is our peace, who has made both one, and has broken down the middle wall of separation
Ephesians 2:14

Fears vs Dreams Road Trip. from To Write Love on Her Arms. on Vimeo.

The God who sees me

2011-08-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away. The angel of the LORD found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?”

“I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied.

The angel of the LORD said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.”

...thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the LORD, who had spoken to her. She said,

"You are the God who sees me."

...then Abraham prepared food and a container of water, and strapped them on Hagar’s shoulders. Then he sent her away with their son, and she wandered aimlessly in the wilderness of Beersheba. When the water was gone, she put the boy in the shade of a bush. Then she went and sat down by herself about a hundred yards away.

"I don’t want to watch the boy die," she said, as she burst into tears.

But God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, “Hagar, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Go to him and comfort him, for I will make a great nation from his descendants.”
Then God opened Hagar’s eyes, and she saw a well full of water. She quickly filled her water container and gave the boy a drink. And God was with the boy as he grew up in the wilderness. --Gen 21:14-20

God's faithfulness to Hagar, one who had been cast out and abandoned by God's own children, is, I think, one of the most beautiful examples of compassion and love in the bible. I was reminded of this kind of love when I read about Jesula, a homeless, pregnant woman in Haiti who had also lost hope.

"Forty-year-old Jesula was a homeless woman who slept each night at a church in Delmas, Haiti. She became pregnant by a man who abandoned her before her son’s birth, and she could not even afford to visit a doctor because she had no money.

Jesula felt desperate about her situation, but she could not find a way out. During the day, she wandered the streets of Delmas or visited old friends in the hope of getting something to eat. Usually she was disappointed in her search. In the evenings, she would head for the New Jerusalem Church where she slept using a pew as a bed and rags for blankets.

Having no one to turn to, Jesula grew more concerned for herself and her soon-to-be-born child. In her situation of hardship, she felt she was going to lose her mind..."

Read the rest of Jesula's story here: Homeless No More

Walk.

2011-08-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
1 John 3:18

Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure.

2011-07-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang, Padma Patil and Luna Lovegood.

Get Sorted Now!

Rabbit Holes and Caffeine

2011-07-27T13:22:00.000-07:00

I may have mentioned that I love coffee. Yes we all love coffee, but I love coffee to an indecent degree. I love silly things about coffe, nerdy, perhaps, even frivolous things about coffee, though I would never admit that to you in person.

I also love Google.

I love google because it enables me to know anything. Yes anything. Ignorance is banished, naivete begone! In fact, I couldn't remember the word "naivete" so I just googled it. This is a common occurrence for me. The trouble is I am interested in pretty much everything so I am constantly being distracted by the little "shiny" things on the page: mysterious links or references, further reading, blogs, etc.

It was funny until tabbed browsing came along. Now my pseudo A.D.D. has no limits; I have not yet run out of browser space. Right now I have 16 tabs open in this browser window, most relating to a couple of irritating audio/video editing programs that continue to befuddle me, but one is a coffee blog, one is my google reader, and I just realized I have my email open in two separate tabs.

This happened because today I mixed coffee and google: the result looked something like this:

Google: "noise reduction final cut express," scan, r-click>open in new tab, ctrl-T: "noise reduction audacity," ctrl-T: "audacity plug-in directory mac," scan, r-click>open in new tab, scan, r-click>open in new tab, close 3 tabs, ctrl-T: "stable audacity version mac 2011," ctrl-T: "convert soundslides to video," ctrl-T: "idvd encoding issues,"ctrl-T: "best format for soundslides to video conversion" "Compassion Haiti," ctrl-T: "Foursquare Haiti," scan, r-click>open in new tab, scan, r-click>open in new tab, ctrl-T: "cheap-tickets," www-dot-facebook-dot-com, close tab, ctrl-t: "cheap international flight," close three tabs, r-click> open in new tab, pop-up, login to twitter, +follow, other followers, ctrl-T: "Gungor," close 2 tabs, r-click> in new window, ctrl-t: "haitian bleu," crtl-t: "Haiti direct trade coffee," ctrl-c, ctrl-T:" reader-dot-google-dot-com," ctrl-v, close 2 tabs, "mail-dot-google-dot-com," ctrl-T: "photoshop tutorial," r-click> close all tabs.

The upshot is that I do a lot without ever accomplishing anything. Does anyone else have this issue?

Finding Jesus with your keys

2011-07-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

If you grew up with a Christian mommy, then you probably heard her praying for her keys a few times.

The idea is not that keys are so spiritually relevant but rather that Christ can be found even in the mundane things, like lost keys.

For my part, my mom has a habit of praying for someone whenever she calls someone by the wrong name. She claims that God put that person on her heart for a reason. Though you might say that she is overspiritualizing it or coming perilously close to making God a kind of cosmic Freud, the truth is that my mom prays for a lot of people because of this. Whether or not God actually caused the slip, I know that He is pleased with her prayers.

I am not spiritual enough to believe that God is actually the cause of my absent-mindedness but I have noticed some Jehova-riffic patterns in some social/cultural/philosophical practices. I have noticed several times that I will be in a conversation about civil rights, politics, marketing, communication, agriculture, pop-culture, or even exercise and I will be blasted with an involuntary, "Woah, that's God!"

I suspect that this is because God is, in fact, everywhere.

"For His invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made."
Romans 1:20

Just for giggles, let me share the most recent one. You can quote the bible's history books to me if you'd like, but I happen to believe that God likes democracy. Sure, He wants to be the one guiding our decisions, but I think if God wanted a theocracy then he'd have made different decisions when he was writing the human genome and we'd still be be running around starkers in the garden. *sigh*

I was talking to someone recently about how social media has been changing the marketing game over the past 10 years or so, shifting power from the Brand to the Consumer. Granted, the consumer has always had the power to choose which products to support, but it is a drop in the bucket of influence. It can be disheartening to realize that MegaCorp X really doesn't have to care about your opinion of their widget (oh, blast those widgets!) because they have 100,000 other customers who are doing just fine, thank you. Well the unfathomably networked miracle of the Web along with the ability to generate your own "content" (articles, editorials, photos, videos, etc) means you can now have an opinion about a product and, potentially, broadcast it to a billion plus people with relatively few resources. All of a sudden MegaCorp X has to worry about a few very vocal, well networked, dissatisfied customers destroying their carefully constructed brand image. A clever, catchy dig at your company can like a virus, infect the entire virtual world which is, arguable, indistinguishable from the "real" world.

On a related topic, I was reading up on a marketing concept called the "long tail." If you are ignorant like me, this basically describes the appearance of a certain kind of probability distribution graph.

That is, the majority of an activity (sales, commenting, linking) exists within a 20% range of the population (the leftmost area on the graph), these are your "power players." However another property of this kind of distribution is that more than half of a particular activity actually does exist in the remaining 80% (the rightmost portion of the graph). So there are those who say that, rather than focus merely on your "power players," there is a huge (more than 50%) benefit to focusing on the "little guys."

Cool, but how is this like "thank-you God for finding my keys?" Well omnipotent and eternal as He is, God is an intensely personal guy. Consider this exchange between Jesus and His disciples:

Now it happened that as he was praying alone, the disciples were with him. And he asked them, “Who do the crowds say that I am?” And they answered, “John the Baptist. But others say, Elijah, and others, that one of the prophets of old has risen.” Then he said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” And Peter answered, “The Christ of God.”
Luke 9:18-20

God isn't the type of guy to have a carefully crafted, glossy, brand image that he prints on leaflets or broadcasts from pulpits. He is also not only concerned with spiritual power players, those giants who write books and worship songs or stand up at the front on Sunday. He meets up with unique, inconsequential, little you and says "who do you say I am?"

Your opinions, actions, and understanding of God's nature and what He is doing in the world have the power both to alter the "brand image" of God and effect how He works in the world. But, more importantly, you have value both to God Himself and His purposes.

I think this is pretty cool, even if I don't thank God enough for helping me find my keys.

Coffee + Haiti

2011-07-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've been on a bit of a coffee high since my visit to Broadway Coffee in Salem, OR. I squealed and gushed and generally made an idiot of myself but have had some pretty awesome coffee over the past week.

Rather than wonder if coffee is one of those "excesses" that I am trying to strip away, I'm embracing the love and I've even found a legitimate reason to do so.

The beauty of coffee is that it is not just a delicious, mysterious, and often capricious muse for dorks like me. Green (unroasted) coffee is also a valuable export for many of the poorest countries in the world: Rwanda, Ethiopia, Uganda, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Indonesia, El Salvador and, yes, Haiti. While this could potentially be a good thing, it is important for people to work as advocates on behalf of coffee growers, especially those in poorer nations, to ensure they are not being exploited.

Fair Trade coffee was a step in the right direction but the label can be very misleading. "Fair" is a relative term and there are always gray areas, that is to say, just because something is stamped "Fair Trade" doesn't mean the farmers who grew and harvested that coffee are being fairly compensated.

This is why people like Land of 1000 Hills Coffee make me really happy. I don't know anything about the coffee market so it is important that I trust the people buying and roasting the coffee that I buy. 1000 Hills Coffee is as close to the plantation as I've been able to get (so far!). Up until the last year, their efforts have focused primarily on Rwandan coffee but they've recently started selling coffee from Haiti as well. After much anticipation, I received my first bag of Cafe Marmelade Haitian Bleu today!

Now, as I understand it, Haiti has been exporting coffee for some time but it has never been known for being exceptionally great coffee. Good, not great. But I am encouraged that there are people out there who believe in Haitian coffee and who are dedicated to refining growing and harvesting processes and promoting Haiti as a legitimate source of gourmet coffee. Various web-rabbit-trails have yielded the following organizations:

***Please note: I know very little about these people aside from the fact that they sell coffee and some of it is from Haiti. In fact, if you can offer any experience or insight, it is most welcome!

Eco Cafe Haiti via Clive Coffee (I'm definitely visiting Clive the next time I am in Portland!)
Coffee Haitian
Singing Rooster
Just Haiti
La Colombe also sells a Haitian Coffee

An Ogre Layer Cake

2011-07-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

"Ogres are like...onions!"

"They stink?"

"Yes... No!"

"Oh, they make you cry?"

"No!"

"Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs..."

"NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers."

"Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. What about cake? Everybody loves cake!"

"I don't care what everyone else likes! Ogres are not like cakes."

"You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, 'Let's get some parfait,' they say, 'Hell no, I don't like no parfait'? Parfaits are delicious!"

"NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-bye! See ya later."

"Parfait's gotta be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!"
-----------

This conversation between Shrek and Donkey is one of my favorite moments in animated cinematic history. It always makes me laugh, which is why I allow such a weak transition:

Sometimes, I am like an ogre.

I have layers, and, I would argue, they are more like an onion than a parfait. Not a nice, caramelized, Walla-Walla sweet onion. No, I am one of the stinky, foul, yellow onions that absolute destroy my mucus membranes. My peeled-back layers stink up my house and make me cry.

I am not sure what He is hoping to find at the center of me, but God keeps peeling back my layers. Just when the pain begins to subside, He digs in again, stripping back layers and layers of pride, fear, mistrust, and weakness. Honestly, I would have been fine if He hadn't started on this last layer. I was feeling pretty good: sufficiently humble to know that I wasn't perfect but successful enough to be free of self-doubt and conviction.

And then the peeling.

"Growth" is something of a misnomer. It implies methodical progression from juvenile to adult; the process is fairly unidirectional. I feel like what we call "growth" is more like exploration or revelation. I dig into myself, revealing sin and weakness, and sift through the dirt, trying to cull out the impurities. But just when I feel like I have accomplished something, God rolls up in his backhoe and tears up the earth, revealing another layer of filth. I feel like I am excavating my soul.

So about those layers...

Lest you think that I exaggerate the naughtiness of my sin-nature, let me share with you a bit of the stinky onion layer currently under His fingernails:

I am dishonest.

Not impressively, though. I suppose that's probably a good thing; if I was dishonest about something impressive, like grand theft auto or my loyalties to the Russian Mafia, I might not be so ashamed of it. Instead, I am dishonest about stupid things, things that make me look foolish, ignorant, or naive.

For example:

I am ashamed to admit that I only recently read Blue Like Jazz, because I know that this puts me about 6 years behind the cool curve.
I am scared to death that by the time I read Crazy Love, I won't have anyone to talk to about it. "Crazy Love," they'll say, "What is this, 2008? More like 2,000-and-late."
I am afraid that people will one day find out that my vast and profound knowledge is really just a cleverly disguised knack for googling.
I'm scared to admit that I have no idea what you're talking about so I just nod along until I can steal a moment alone with my smartphone.
I'm afraid that, like Mr. Inman in the 12th grade, you'll actually ask me to support my vociferous opinions with facts.
I'm afraid that you'll look up "vociferous" and discover that I've used it incorrectly.

These are all relatively silly, the really nasty stuff is more insidious because it disguises itself as honesty. I talk about authenticity and even admit that I'm a sinner, but the only sin I confess is that which I have already prepackaged and separated from myself. This is not real honesty because it doesn't cost me anything; there is no vulnerability. I am willing to admit my sinfulness but I'm not willing to feel it. I'm not willing to wear it in the present.

This is a stubborn layer but I do think it can be torn away. The trouble is that there is stuff in the way.

In carrying with the tradition of the "Walden Weekend," I'd like to start pulling up the weeds that are sucking nutrients from the good things planted in me so that this excavation process is a little easier or to "drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms." See, I keep coming back to this idea that it is possibly to live differently, free from the empty expectations of a Culture of Affluence.

I can't help but think that, maybe, if we, if I, weren't so heavily rooted in the peripheral things, it'd be a whole lot easier to actually do the Christ-ish things, things like being loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, temperate, and honest. If these "unseen" things are real and eternal and the visible "stuff" is temporary, wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to be "authentic" without so much stuff?

Isn't that something we all want but never seem to actually pursue? It's not just an idea, it is vital and I'm so tired of just talking about it.

Here's to living stuffless.

People I Like: Broadway Coffeehouse, Salem

2011-07-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was visiting Salem, OR just for a few days this month and a friend told me that they had the perfect coffee house for me as I was, according to her, a ~~"geek"~~ "nerd*." I am 90 percent sure that this was a loving observation but I actually suspect that the bona fide members of the Coffee Geek Brethren may take exception to my inclusion in their ranks. But, regardless of where I fall on the Coffee Enthusiast spectrum, she was absolutely correct, I ~~loved~~ love Broadway Coffeehouse.

It is a bit of a departure from that typical coffee house feel in that it is very big, bright and open. It admittedly feels a bit more like a conference center or a library than a coffeehouse, but the vibe worked for me, personally. I walked in and, embarrassingly, squealed a bit, first when I saw "Stumptown" and again when I saw the pour over tray. Not to say the Stumptown is the litmus test for exceptional coffee houses, but it sure doesn't hurt.

You could actually see my barista's eyes light up when I asked for one and he got even more excited as I asked him about weight of the coffee, the temperature of the water and what his opinion was on weighing water. If there is one essential quality of a good barista, it is a passion for making and drinking coffee. If you want one of these delightful concoctions, make sure you get there before they are busy (before 9).

I'm NOT an expert on coffee, but I love learning and each barista I spoke to was excited to share what they knew and it was impressive. They even referred me to a couple of blogs and roasters.

I came in the next day and one of the baristas, again, lit up and made sure to tell the other to, "wait, make sure it's a good one, she knows coffee." True? Probably not. Shameless flattery? Perhaps. But they made my week by being kind, teaching me a bit, and brewing me 2 great cups of coffee (indonesian Gajah Aceh and Ethiopian Mordecofe). Not the best of my life, but the experience made all the difference.

My Stumptown Gajah Aceh

But perhaps my favorite part was that though there was not a blender in sight, there were still plenty of iced lattes crossing the counter. That is to say it was a nice compromise between a snobby "No, we will not serve you that!" and "Wait, wait... *just* espresso??" Too many excellent coffeehouses actually snub the people that they should be educating and Nick, Erica and the other awesome baristas at Broadway hit the right balance. Thanks!!

...and the Mordecofe!

Check out my review of Broadway Coffeehouse on Yelp!

*Since writing this my kind friend has clarified that she, in fact, called me a "nerd" not a "geek" which worries me a bit if this can be trusted...

But my geek nerd worries may be moot anyway.

Review: As We Forgive Documentary

2011-07-13T04:00:00.000-07:00

I heard about As We Forgive, a Laura Waters Hinson documentary, through Land of 1000 Hills Coffee. The film is about an hour long and documents the experiences of two Rwandan women who lived through the 1994 genocide and then, 15 years later, came face to face with the men who had murdered their families.

From asweforgive.com:

The subjects of As We Forgive speak for a nation still wracked by the grief of a genocide that killed one in eight Rwandans in 1994. Overwhelmed by an enormous backlog of court cases, the government has returned over 50,000 genocide perpetrators back to the very communities they helped to destroy. Without the hope of full justice, Rwanda has turned to a new solution: Reconciliation.

A few months ago, I talked about the film, though I hadn't yet seen it, you can read my original post here: Painful Grace: As We Forgive, the movie. I actually watched the film a few weeks later.

I'm not sure how to describe it, it was as challenging as you would expect a documentary about genocide, murder, and reluctant forgiveness to be. But I admit, I was a bit surprised by how not emotional it was not. To be sure, it was an emotionally challenging film, but not to the degree I expected. I don't know if this was intentional but I think I am pleased by this.

Perhaps because it didn't rely on heavy-handed emotionalism, As We Forgive manages to be more thought-provoking than heartbreaking. I found myself considering what forgiveness looks like outside of the heart. I talk a lot about grace and forgiveness conceptually, but practically forgiveness is not always tears, pain, or peace. In fact, perhaps the most important part of forgiveness happens after you decide to forgive, when you translate it from your heart into your hands.

Sometimes forgiveness is building a house for the child of a man you murdered. Sometimes forgiveness is allowing a murderer to move back into his old village or to thresh your sorghum crop for you. Sometimes forgiveness begins with screaming at the one you hate.

I was intrigued by the decision of the Rwandan government to release the prisoners. As a Christian, I have been taught that forgiveness is obligatory but, more importantly, forgiveness is necessary for healing. I was surprised, which is now kind of embarassing, that a government organization would recognize that forgiveness was an important part of healing a nation.

Perhaps I was surprised because I have never experienced social fracturing on a national scale. I cannot imagine living in a nation where half of my friends and neighbors had not only collectively declared that I was subhuman, but committed murder and committed it against me. The anger and pain of these actions drove a wedge down the middle of the nation that could not be removed by punishing the offenders. They decided, then, that the only way to heal the nation was to forgive them.

It makes me think of a passage in the book Waterlily by Ella Cara Doloria. In this section a circle of Dakota Native Americans are considering what to do with a man in their community who murdered another man. The father of the murdered man can, according to their law, require the murderer's death. He decides instead to adopt the murder into their family to actually fill the place of the lost son. By choosing to extend this radical grace, they stop the cycle of pain and vengeance and find freedom from hate and bitterness.

More than emotionally stirring, I found As We Forgive interesting, practical and thoughtful. I was left wondering how I could use the practical tools modeled in the film and I think that is the strongest compliment I could give.

If you have seen the film, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Book Review: Blue Like Jazz

2011-07-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality by Donald Miller

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I bought Blue Like Jazz about 2 years ago, long after the cool-wave had crested, and finally read it last month. It was embarassing to me, an obviously trendy Christian, that I was reading one of the coolest Christian books around about 6 years after it mattered.

See, once you become aware of the Blue Like Jazz/Donald Miller movement (if you're not already) you quickly realize that it is heavy with words like "cool," "trendy," "relevant," and "fresh" (as the paragraph above illustrates). This is really unfortunate because being "cool," especially in Christian circles, can be as damaging as it is helpful. So let's pretend for a moment that it is 2003 and we haven't heard the BLJ hype just yet, okay?

If you're going to enjoy this book, I think the subtitle is important because it is not a Christian self help book, a devotional, or even clearly defined topically; this is a book of "thoughts." Once you understand that, the slightly meandering and personal journey from cover to cover makes a lot more sense. Think of it as a series of conversations with your friend Don, filled with a lot of anecdotes and a few really good observations.

That said, Blue Like Jazz was a good book. I found myself occasionally confused, sometimes irritated, often inspired, and crying once. "Good" to me usually means three stars but I credit the last two chapters, "How to Really Love Yourself" and "How to Really Love Others," with inspiring that fourth star.

I was confused because it does seem to wander a bit from topic to topic. I was irritated by the heavy use of sarcasm and criticism of the church which, at times, seemed to be an attempt to distance the author from the (forgive me) uncool or negative characteristics of the Church or just to be funny. I get the church's failures, really I do, but I don't like friendly fire. But, like a good friend who you used to dislike, I found myself becoming okay with the sarcasm the more I got to know the book.

I was inspired because, more than any other "Christian" book I've read, this one seems to genuinely like people who aren't Christians AND, more importantly, it shows that God does too. It looks outside of cultural christianity and finds God there. I was inspired because I get what "Blue Like Jazz" means: God, love, faith, people; none of it actually resolves, though we pretend it does. But there is beauty even in the dissonance; the leading tones seem to dangle our souls above some "God/love/faith/people" truth even though we may never actually land cleanly on that truth.

And I cried because love really can change lives; because love means more than pretentious religiosity. Because love transcends and love heals and I see that in Donald Miller's meandering noreligious thoughts and experiences. I cried because loving people, beyond preaching and morality, actually loving people really is the point.

View all my reviews

Loving with gloves on

2011-07-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

Every Christian knows that you are not called to hate sinners but to hate sin. We will even claim that we actually do not actually hate sinners but love them and want them to be free from their sin.

And every sinner in the world thinks that this is a joke.

Do you want to know why? Because we don't love them.

We don't care about their life, we don't care about their story or their pain. We only care about what it will take to get them onto our team. Once they are a Christian, we think, then we can care about them. Caring about them now will just encourage them to stay in their sin.

Isn't that what we've learned? Isn't that what we've feared? If we accept someone in the middle of their sins, they will not have a reason to change; we can't validate a sinful lifestyle.

Friends, this is a lie.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8 ESV

That death was not conditional, God didn't wait for us to come over to his side before He adopted us. He chose "the right time," and then He just did it. Moreover, He got impossibly intimate with our sin by putting on our own skin.

If I would love another person like Jesus, that means extending my love to them, without condition, and then holding it there until they take it. It also means no longer being afraid to love people.

As Christians, we can find ourselves in a perfect storm of fear. We are offended by sin, we are outraged by it, but, most of all, we are afraid we're going to be caught doing it. At the same time we are often afraid to actually tell people that they are sinners. These combine to create this wall of fear, denial, and hypocrisy that effectively separates us from the people we are supposed to love.

Essentially, we try to find a way to love people without having anything to do with them. Our love becomes political rhetoric, meaningless platitudes that sound inspired but fall flat. It's safe love, the kind of love that covers both our Christian obligations and our righteous backsides.

The kind of love that isn't really love at all.

In effect, we try to love people without getting their sin all over us and without making them mad. I picture a man gingerly handling a poisonous snake or an anthrax filled pipe bomb.

We are loving with gloves on.

Hold the wheel and drive...

2011-07-08T04:00:00.000-07:00

I love driving, it's meditative, cathartic. My car becomes a prayer closet and my dashboard an altar (sans the little plastic Jesus figurine). One of these days I'll have to share with you my revelation about predestination that occured on Highway 84 (More Road to Portland than Damascus). I do my best thinking when I'm driving, though writing things down is somewhat difficult.

Since I had my Walden Weekend, I've been jonesing for some more thinking time. And I do love thinking, maybe I should have been a monk. Then I could hang out with Brother Lawrence and he could clue me in on The Practice of The Presence of God thing. But more on that at a later date...

This is why I'm so very excited that tonight I am headed out for a 23 hour roadtrip to sunny SoCal to pick up my friend Whitney for a 5 day road trip up Highway 101.

Aren't we a happy couple of rainsoaked bedraggled beauties?

Whitney rocks. Lest you think I exaggerate, check her out.

If you have a moment this coming week, think of Whit and I, wending our way up the coast as we add another 3K miles to my Nissan. Then go call a friend. Friends are awesome.

Have a great week, friends! I know I will.
For fun, let's flashback to 2001 and listen to some driving music.

Water of Life

2011-07-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

I must say, the timing of this is pretty awesome. A few weeks ago I learned that Compassion had a new Water of Life program that helps provide water filtration systems for those without access to clean water and, if you read about my (squeak) upcoming trip to Haiti, you'll know that one of the major complicating factors in Haiti has been the cholera epidemic resulting from water contamination. If you think that clean water should not be a luxury, check out how you can help.

Have you ever watched a promotional or news video for an organization like Compassion International?

It can be a bizarre experience because you realize, as you are bombarded by images of poverty, that you are also looking into a world that is utterly separated from yours not only by distance but, it seems, by time as well. Can you imagine living in a world where it is normal for you to cook over a fire every day or get up in the predawn hours to haul water from a river? If you are like me, the thought actually conjures up happy memories of camping or old episodes of Little House on the Prairie.

This worries me, because this is not a weekend of roughing it or a cozy evening by the fire with Pa and Mary.

There are millions of people who will live their lives today on the edge of living and dying, people who have no choice, who can't go home early if it starts to rain. People who can't just drive in to town to get extra toilet paper or garbage bags.

People who are being attacked every day by enemies too small to see.

I sponsor a little girl from Haiti through Compassion. Several months after the earthquake, I was told that Haiti was experiencing the world's first cholera epidemic in century.

photo courtesy: http://www.guardian.co.uk/

Cholera? Has anyone had cholera since corsets?

If you are alive and reading this you have probably never worried about cholera or The Plague. When you turn on the tap, you probably never worry about or whether or not your neighbor has dumped human waste or a dead rat in your drinking water. Videos, photographs, and articles have a necessary element of fantasy becasuse we have no point of reference.

That's why I love programs, like Compassion's Water of Life system, that bridge that gap between my reality and the reality of the millions of people in the developing world, human people who are warm and full of breath.

These are not actors, and this is not Little House on the Prairie. This is someone's life and it could have been mine.

Visit www.compassion.com/water-of-life to find out more about their safe water system and how $55.00 can provide a lifetime of clean water to a family.

God 1: Sarah...1?

2011-07-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

There are some bible verses that I absolutely hate.

I know, I'm a Christian and I'm supposed to love the whole of the word of God. I think, underneath, perhaps I really do, but, frequently, I hate pieces of it.

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Matthew 5:5

I hate this verse.

I hate it because, in 10 words, it describes exactly what I am not. It is the "antonym of me," if you want to get all David Crowder.

I hate it because I find my security in my self-sufficiency. I survive failure and weakness by ducking my head and then systematically digging myself out of my circumstances. Do whatever it takes; lie, cheat, or steal, whatever you have to do, just so long as you don't have to ask for help.

There is only one situation where in I am meek, and this is the worst part. I am meek only when I am utterly humiliated. When I am laid bare, stripped of my pretense, when my inability is made painfully obvious and I am left desperate and empty handed.

When my insufficiency drives me to the grace of God, instead of longing for His aid, like the prodigal son, I begin to resent it. I hate that He has driven me to nothing, or rather to admit my nothingness. I hide my face from the world, come before my creditors shame-faced begging that they will not look at me.

I hate this place of humility, of painful meekness, with a passion and I avoid it like a deadly infectious disease.

You see, the very reason that I don't like meekness is that meek people are tamed. I think of a benign placid cow or a sheep, who wants to be a cow or a sheep? Where is the honor in that? Stupid. Weak. Unable to care for itself. These are characteristics that, whatever I may say about loving the bible, I do not respect and never want to be.

But what about a wild ox or ram? They may be majestic and powerful, but can you use them? How can God use a person who refuses gentling, who doesn't trust a Master and instead insists on doing this is own way? Would I rather be honorable and proud or useful?

"But the fruit of the spirit is...meekness" Galatians 5:23
"Any tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." Luke 3:9

I learned something when I went into the woods. I learned that until I can love the humiliation of God, until I can love my meekness and insufficiency, I'm useless. Hopelessly handicapped. I prayed with a truly fearful heart, that God would humble me, that he would do whatever He needed to do to make me useful. That was not a prayer that ended in serenity.

It didn't take long.

I was humiliated today. I faced an impossible situation, nothing too dramatic, but definitely something I couldn't overcome. It became obvious that I needed to ask for help, and this tore me apart inside. What was, initially, a very insignificant problem swelled to life-crushing proportions simply because I knew I needed help. Still I desperately searched for a way to help myself, knowing in the back of my mind that I was very close to having a serious breakdown over a ridiculously small issue.

Now for the good news.

As desperation tied my guts in to tighter and tighter knots of nausea, I heard the voice. The one that said there was a bigger issue here, that my pride and self-sufficiency were doing a dangerous thing in my heart and needed to be disabled quickly. Instead of looking for a way out, I needed to admit my weakness and not just to God. So I did the impossible: I called for help.

Because, as I said, it really was not much of an issue, the help was there before I even asked. I chafed over the ready-grace. I cried tears of shame and the sick feeling in my guts remained as my pride rejected the act of meekness.

But the beautiful paradox is that the reason I am so sickened by this outcome is that I lost this fight, and, if I lose...

...God wins.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness...for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

To Haiti With Love

2011-07-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

Back in January I talked about my One Word for 2011: Trust. It was and has been a rough journey but it's good! Each day is a new ~~challenge~~opportunity for me to learn to trust God's promises and His faithfulness and, occasionally, trust actually wins over doubt.

One of the specific areas that blazed brighter than the rest was going back to Haiti. It was one of those impossible promises that has been seemed more and more impossible as each day went by. Still my heart longed for Haiti and for my little almost 11 year old hanging out in the mountains there.

God is as faithful as I pretended to believe He was, and, God willing, I am going to be going to Haiti with Compassion Internation in November. I wrote more about the trip here.

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" Psalm 34:8

One of the things I learned in the woods was that it is not enough to know God is good; we have to sense it, like we would sense anything else in the world, taste it and see it. We have to touch Him--to feel the warmth of his body--and see his face. Because, when we see His face, we not only trust Him, but we are changed.

"...but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is." 1 John 3:2

I have a theory. I believe that looking into the face of the needy, if you really see them and let their stories touch you, then it changes you. I think that this is because God appears in His purest form in the lives of the hurting and the broken. So when you look at them, you are looking at God.

I know God is everywhere, I know you don't need to go to the third world to find God or even a hurting person. But for me, in this moment, this is it.

And I'm stoked.

I'm unbelievably excited to see how God is showing his glory in Haiti and to see the work of Compassion in action. I will be blogging updates about the journey to Haiti as well as the trip itself, but I would love to share this trip with you personally. If you'd like to hear more personal updates, send me an email.

If you would like to help support me financially you can send checks or money orders directly to me or online use Paypal.

Sending money with Paypal is actually really easy:

Go to Send Money at http://www.paypal.com/ or click here. Select "friends and family" under "My Payment is for" in the Send Money Now section and click next.
Enter thesaraheffect@gmail.com in the "To:" box and your own email address in the "From:" section and
Log in to your paypal account and finish the transaction.

Before you click "send money" make sure you put your name in the "message" section so I can say thank you!

If you do not have a paypal account, it only takes a few minutes to sign up for one and you can pay for items with a direct transfer from a bank account or a credit or debit card. If you use your bank account or paypal balance there is no charge, if you are using a credit or debit card, you can still send money this way just make sure that you specify that the recipient (me) is going to cover the 2.9% fee.

If possible, I prefer this method simply because July 27th is just around the corner! If you'd rather send a check or money order you can mail it to:

Sarah Brewer
305 3rd Ave SW
Ephrata, WA 98823